Entry 12:

Yo Doug,

I feel your pain, buddy. You are experiencing everyone's worst nightmare: being trapped in an elevator with an English professor. I mean the idiot is over there in the corner nattering away while you are furiously punching the door-open button.

But you are not getting off ... yet. I've got some questions for you.

I want to know what you do. Superficially, of course.

Like what are you working on this summer? Title, please. And what is your favorite course to teach? Ditto: title.

And do you ever worry that you are teaching the future Masters of the Universe and that if you make a mistake in class and give bogus info, the world might blow up? Well, OK, if not that, then if you give one of them a low grade, he might--once he controls the world--come back and blow you up? Forget the question.

Hey, I want to know what a sample essay question would be on your final exam in Marketing 101. Yes, Doug, I want the actual question.

OK, I drop $1 million in your lap (the money I save by not running the "new and improved" Absolut campaign) and tell you to do whatever you want inside your field. Like go anywhere, talk to anyone. What do you do?

And "outside your field"? What would you do if you weren't in this business? You don't have to answer that one if it's too personal.

About 15 yrs ago I thought about getting an MBA. I went over to the business school here at Florida. I took a course in management. I lasted for less then a week. The minute we had to split up into little groups and talk with each other, I was outta there. From time to time I talk with the folks who teach marketing. After about five minutes with me, they get up and go out for a smoke.

We're divided by a common interest.

Now I'm going to answer your question: If these professorial types understand advertising, how come no one hires them? Look, if stockbrokers understand the market, how come they go to those dingy offices and make cold calls?

I'm teaching "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner" in about an hour. Do you remember it from high school? It's one of my favorite poems. It's so bizarre.

Stay tuned,
Jim