The Breakfast Table

The Never-Ending Screaming, Sweaty Testimonials to MTV

Deep Fried Carson,

Wait a minute, wait a minute, Andy: drilling in the Arctic Refuge? (Hi, Alex.) That sounds, well, crunchy. I’d like to place a brief moratorium on all eco-talk. It’s not near and dear enough to my heart. But your point about political sincerity in Bush administration drilling beliefs is a winner–one we’ll be talking up in coming days on some poppy level I’m sure. Meanwhile, I spent Earth Day being bumped by United, then American, and my luggage is still Out There somewhere. When’s National Hug a Reliably Articulate, Soothingly Communicative Airline Week? (FYI: It’s never the skies that are unfriendly?)

When I wake up, I spend morning bouncing back and forth between MTV’s grab bag and VH-1’s Cardio Video, giving my attention span the aerobic workout I don’t want to give myself at 6:30 every morning. Sometimes I find my way over to the newly foxy Katie Couric or hope I’m in time to catch news briefs by the equally foxy/nerdy Antonio Mora on GMA. But like Alex, my fingers always wander back to channel 43.

Should MTV really qualify as a guilty pleasure when it’s as popular and pervasive and relevant as ever? Turnoff Your TV Week is such small-scale fascism and bigger-picture hypocrisy. The alternatives some of the colluding organizations present consist of shopping and puzzle assembly–two things I can now do while watching Cribs. TV doesn’t make people fat. Board games do. But like Alex, I do find MTV’s new shelter ads kind of freaky. The campaign is proudly Barbara Krugerific–mocking, oppressive, curious, funny, obvious, semieffective–if totally disjunctive. It’s as if they’ve finally caught up philosophically to the question people have been asking about videos from jump street: The video doesn’t go with the song.

MTV is an irony-free zone. For instance, I’m aware that the channel is kitsch in motion, but are the fans? (The mini-diva “Lady Marmalade” anyone?) But the fervent sincerity is kind of what I tune for, too. It’s such a religion. (What could be more Vatican than the banning of another Madonna video?) This is to say that there’s no one on MTV who reminds me of me, but I love watching the lifestyle being peddled and that the kids treat that place like a Baptist church. The screaming, sweaty testimonials never end. But sadly this one must.   

Wesley

P.S.: Andy, I’d like you to note that you’ve used “Eggersesque” as a modifier to describe a psycho-pop state of mind. Had I gone first, I probably would have written this: Dude, don’t go there. Now I fear we must–but later, perhaps tomorrow. Also more about us living in a video world and can we truly live in one irony-free? What does that even mean anymore?