Dear Joel,
So, now the deal is that Janet Reno is going to Miami to negotiate personally an end to the Elián impasse? Boy, she’s a brave woman. I wouldn’t go anywhere near this whole mess in an asbestos suit, if I were Janet Reno. Let’s hope she can pull it off. I’m starting to feel even sorrier for poor Juan Miguel, holed up in Kenwood with a constant stream of visitors, including (according to this morning’s papers) Jesse Jackson and a nice lady from Wisconsin who brought him cheese. Now he knows Americans are crazy.
In my race to bury David Irving’s career this morning, I forgot to note the day’s other happy development: Ralph Reed has seen the error of his ways, and has agreed not to lobby George W. Bush any more. The press release from his company announcing this resolve was apparently a masterpiece of oily non-apology: The lobbying campaign, it said, was part of “a broader program to encourage citizens to express their views to presidential candidates of both parties, including Al Gore and Bill Bradley.” The company will henceforth stop this patriotic effort, the release continued, “in an abundance of caution and to avoid any further misconception.” See, he didn’t do anything wrong; it’s you and your dirty mind that drummed all this up. Now that should stand athwart some annals, at least for a while.
Sorry about your car. I know a guy, in case you’re interested, who buys cars for a living. You fill out a form and fax it to him, telling him what you want to buy and whether you’d settle for Silver Fox instead of Autumn Sunset if that’s what you need in order to get the aluminum wheels and anti-lock-brake package too … He canvasses a bunch of different dealers and does the haggling for you. You pay him a fee that is paltry compared to the time and aggravation he has saved you. I called him in misery after I tried to buy our Taurus Wagon from a dealer out on Rockville Pike, who took me aside and said, very confidentially, that if I committed right away he would give me the same deal he gives the Kuwaiti Embassy, which buys all its Fords there. It was scary to think that I looked like a person stupid enough to accept the idea that the Kuwaiti Embassy drives a hard bargain, and so I turned the whole matter over to a pro, who promptly delivered the worst car I’ve ever owned. But that’s another story.
Who got custody of the plaster cast of your father’s fourth wife?
Best,
Marjorie
