Entry 10:

Dear David,

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Speaking of summer, sun shines on the Gore and Bush campaigns today ... (that was for you Gabe--pillow talk awkwardly mingling with wonkdom--but more on that later).

I thoroughly agree about the McCain coverage. I'm not one of the swooners, but I think it's fair to say he ran one of the most original primary campaigns any of us can remember. McCain scrambled the usual rules of running for president. He shifted as he went along but somehow didn't seem shifty. He just seemed responsive, instinctive, like a man who was really loving the race. His peevish moment--the "evil forces" quote--was not a sudden shift of temperament but a moment of routine bus bombast some reporter new to "Straight Talk" mistook for a real quote. I will miss him. 

Now for my peevish moment: Papers report that Bill Bradley will give his withdrawal speech in New Jersey in a few days. Can he do it today, or just skip it? Even in defeat, the man is unbearable. He won't even say defeat; he calls it "lack of victory." In his noble campaign, "we don't ask where the wind's blowing and then follow it to gain the people's approval." Give me a break. You just lost, nobody liked you. "Voice to the voiceless," he calls himself, the brave one who talks about issues no one else is talking about, such as ... "campaign-finance reform." Huh? Aren't we forgetting someone?

The VP talk around here is mostly about the fairer sex. For Bush--Elizabeth Dole, Jennifer Dunn--two of my favorites. Otherwise maybe Frank Keating, governor of Oklahoma. The conventional wisdom right now leans against Pataki and Ridge because they are pro-choice. For Gore, maybe Nancy Pelosi, or Dianne Feinstein. Or possibly Gray Davis? (campaign slogan: "Dull and Duller," says a colleague).

Now back to my piffles:

1. A few days ago Bob Jones University announced it was reversing its policy forbidding interracial dating. Yesterday, on a day they were sure no one would notice, they amended it, the papers report. Now, you can date a member of another race, but only with your parent's permission. What would those letters look like?

Dear Mom,

I met this great guy in "Intro to Antichrist" last week, but there's something I think you should know about him. He's, uh, well, he's really nice, but he's also an Oriental. Would you mind writing a letter to Bob saying that's OK? Thanks.

2. I can't help myself: The bichon frisé returns: As we predicted, the masses are in full revolt over their dearly departed pooch. Thousands of people have logged on to the Web site, hundreds of angry citizens are calling Virginia police. The reward fund, which started this weekend at $40,000, is growing by $5,000 a day, thanks to small donations. The paper quotes one lone dissenter: "The real sickos are the people who care enough about a dog to put up that kind of reward money," one person wrote on the Web site. "Where's the perspective when there is so much poverty and suffering among humanity."

3. Michael Bolton is here to support the Violence Against Women Act? I would say the sappy crooner himself constitutes a one-man assault on womankind.

Finally, back to our friend Gabriel. Yes, I agree it was rather mild, and I'm thankful. But I have to have the last word. Personally, I think the abruptness of this dialogue mimics the real rhythm of the actual breakfast table. Domestic chatter is not strung together with smooth transitions, unified thoughts. It's all "Did you see that amazing story?" followed abruptly by "Pass the jam."

Boy, am I petty this morning.

Peevishly yours,
H