Dear David,
I think your pal Andrew Weill also recommends skipping the newspapers as a way to mental and physical health, doesn’t he? The Movie Mom recommends a day in bed with some nice movies that won’t make you work too hard to follow the plot and will make you laugh enough to boost your immune system - maybe The Court Jester or Duck Soup. Hope you feel better.
Martha Stewart turns 57 today, according to my daily entertainment news e-mail. I’m sorry, but I just can’t stand her. I tried watching once, and all I remember is her sitting down to make some sort of decorative wreath and beginning, “first you gather a bucket of acorns, and then you drill a hole through each one.” At that point the mist began to gather before my eyes. I am proud to say that I do not own a glue gun and hope never to do so. In theory, I am all for everyone making his or her own bed and being creative and loving in the domestic arena. In reality, and I say this with complete seriousness, I wrote my first book in the time I had previously spent doing laundry (I’m betting Martha doesn’t do hers, either). It is my profound conviction that there is no limit to what a woman can accomplish if she is trying to come up with an excuse to avoid housework.
I’m glad that people who have the talent and interest can get some guidance from someone who knows a lot about it. But what bugs me about Martha Stewart is the shell game aspect. The perfection pea she promises you is always under the shell you don’t pick. She reminds me of a guy who taught me how to swim when I was five or so, who kept promising me he’d stand right there but kept walking backwards to make me swim farther. Martha Stewart exemplifies the whole bait and switch aspect of women’s magazines that stay alive with soothing promises to help you solve all your problems (“Seven Steps to a Great Marriage!” “Four Ways to Lose Weight Fast!” “Meatloaf to Make Their Mouths Water!”) and not so subliminally remind women that they need help. Humph. I’d like to see GQ try a story like “How to Listen to a Woman to Make Her Really Feel Loved!”
I don’t listen to Dr. Laura, but from what I’ve read, at least she makes people take responsibility for their actions, and the world could use a lot more of that as far as I am concerned. The same goes for Judge Judy. One of my all-time favorite stories is about a student who came to see Cyra McFadden to complain about getting an “F.” She leaned back and looked at him. “Well, did you read the book?” He admitted he had not. “Then you get an F.” “Wow,” he said, “that’s really judgmental!” Once in a while, it’s nice to see someone who is willing to be judgmental. In fact, I have a theory that Rush Limbaugh, Howard Stern, Dr. Laura, Judge Judy, and others like them are so popular because they go against the tide of moral relativism and political correctness. In the 1960s, Playboy was successful because it provided an antidote to one kind of repression. In the 1990s, Playboy has become almost quaint, but those who rebel against PC repression have taken its place. In both cases, there is a lot of appeal in people who are willing to say what we are not allowed to say, even if it’s just “shut up and sit down.”
More on the news (and Ever After, which I hope to see this afternoon) later, but for now I’ll just give you one more reason to be glad you are happily married. The Washington Post has a front-page story about the latest issue in divorce settlements–frequent flier miles. Randy Petersen, editor of Inside Flyer, provides expert testimony on the value of the miles at some two dozen cases a year. I’d like to see what Judge Judy has to say about that.
