Nuts and Butts

Beam and Howard

Nuts and Butts

Beam and Howard

Nuts and Butts
An email conversation about the news of the day.
Sept. 4 1998 3:25 PM

Beam and Howard

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Dear Coffee-pourer:

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I agree with you about Starr's coming report. Disagree about Senator Lieberperson. You make a strong innuendo that maybe you saw him with a blonde. I hope you will clarify your underwhelmedness, because he is famously a right kinda' guy.

I was very excited to read that there was legislation about "nut free zones" on airplanes. How terrific, I thought. They're gonna' keep those pests who never stop talking out of the seat next to me. But they're talking about nut-nuts: peanuts! Declining them and taking the pretzels, instead, apparently isn't enough. The allergic crowd says even proximity makes trouble...I guess like pregnant Orthodox Jewish women averting their eyes from deformed people, believing that such sights will make imperfect babies. The Wall Street Journal said any form of this legislation is causing the airline industry "more indigestion than an in-flight meal." The Brits, of course, are making fun of us. The Telegraph has a gay old time with it.

I guess it's a p.c. kinda' day. The Haitians are up in arms over a line in the movie How Stella Got Her Groove Back. A character makes a remark about Haitians and AIDS. Hellloooo...it's a movie, guys...it's fiiiiction...Try to remember that the first amendment works for film, too. I guess this just proves that some people want p.c. to be alive and well at a theatre near you. This is strangely reminiscent, by the way, of the blind crowd that was objecting to Mr. Magoo.

Happily, there's a p.c.-free zone at the Washington Post. The "Reliable Source" refers to Michael Milken as "billionaire felon-philanthropist." I liked that, both for its reality and it snarkiness. And this is the best: San Francisco's mayor Willie Brown's secretary has her own website. She's getting thousands of hits, you should pardon the expression. The reason is she's put up photos of herself wearing lingerie, swimwear, and a mermaid costume. So tasteful. One hopes there is no inappropriate relationship between the mayor and the mermaid.

I'm off to N'amsha where, with luck, we'll see each other. Drive safely.

xx Margo