Entry 50:

Very good news today for all citizens who can read. Bill Clinton and Al Gore, as part of Al's campaign to "reinvent government," issued guidelines today for reinventing bureaucratese. Said Al: "Short is better than long (quit giggling, Ken Starr). Active is better than passive...Clarity helps advance understanding."

Said Bill: "By using plain language, we send a clear message about what the government is doing, what it requires and what services it offers." He then went on to add that as regards Ms. Lewinsky, he would have no comment at this time due to the nature and scope of the aforementioned legal machinery currently in place. Actually, I'd love to see Clinton take his own advice, and then replay the whole scandal. Talk about some good active-voice verbs. Just imagine how high his poll numbers would have gone if he had said: "I never ****ed that women, Ms. Lewinsky." It's short, it's active, it advances understanding, and it certainly sends a clear message about what at least part of the government was doing, what it required and what services it did, or didn't, offer.

But, really, who better to trust to come in to really change government than a guy who has been a vice president for two terms, a senator, and a senator's son. Go get 'em Al! Our prayers are with you. I mean, (active voice) we give our prayers to you.

And in the spirit of conciseness, in case you missed it, here are the salient words from Thomas Friedman's column in the New York Times regarding Newt's foray into Middle East diplomacy: "brainless," "pathetic," "utterly and ridiculously over the top," "full body pander," "stupid."

Perfect.