Q. Should I leave a great thing?: I have a great boyfriend, whom I love. We met as juniors in college and have been dating for more than five years. He is the only person I’ve had sex with. We have great communication, he is very supportive, and we have shared hobbies and get along with the same people. He knows me better than anyone. Here’s my problem: I’m just kind of bored. While I would be happy to stay with him, I’m not excited about it. I find myself wondering regularly what it would be like to break up. Then I backtrack and think about how great and rare it is to be in a relationship with a wonderful guy. I’ll likely be going elsewhere to grad school in the fall, and that seems like an ideal time for us to take a break and see other people, and then potentially get back together. Is that crazy?
A: It’s not crazy, although if your boyfriend knew you thought of him as a suitable placeholder until you can dump him for grad school, then fish him back out of the dating pool once you’re finished with more exciting men, he might not want to continue your relationship for much longer. I don’t think you should feel guilty for not feeling more strongly about your boyfriend just because he’s a good person—there are plenty of good people in the world, but that doesn’t mean you have to go out with all of them—but if you’re regularly thinking about breaking up with him, it’s probably a sign that you want to break up with him. You deserve a partner you feel excited about, and your boyfriend deserves to be with someone who considers him a catch, not just a “good enough” settlement.
