HOME /  Human Guinea Pig :  Humiliating myself for fun and profit.

Spam I Am

I try an Internet get-rich-quick scheme.

By |Posted Friday, April 11, 2003, at 3:36 PM

(Continued from Page 1)

"Can I speak to someone who handles shipping?" I countered.

"Are you soliciting new business?"

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"I can help you get your money back from UPS or FedEx for packages delivered late."

"No thank you." Click.

Since my head didn't explode, I went on to the next law firm and asked for the shipping manager.

"Who's calling, please?"

"Emily Yoffe?"

"Who are you with?"

"Refund Recovery." As I said this, sweat appeared on my upper lip, and my underarms got clammy.

Illustration by Nina Frenkel

"He's on the other line. You can leave a message or call back." They have a shipping manager! I suddenly felt the first gushes of my income stream. I knew he would never return my call, so I said I'd call back. During the course of the day, I tried this shipping manager five more times, but he was always on the other line. Finally, around 4 p.m., I got through. The shipping manager didn't sound happy to hear from me.

"I do want to talk to you because I don't appreciate your calling so often and refusing to leave a message," he said. "My receptionist says you're driving her nuts. That's the only reason I took this call."

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Emily Yoffe is a regular Slate contributor. She writes the Dear Prudence and Human Guinea Pig columns. You can send Dear Prudence questions for publication to prudence@slate.com. (Questions may be edited.) Subscribe to Emily Yoffe's Facebook page.

Illustration by Nina Frenkel.