ARCHIVE:
Human Guinea Pig
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Poo at the Zoo
Bat guano, elephant dung, rhino pee, and other substances I encountered in my brief, smelly stint as a zookeeper.
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America's Oldest Living Fly Girl Tells All
My brief, booty-shaking gig as a bar mitzvah motivational dancer.
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I Got To Roll Out the Tarp, but …
How I humiliated myself working on the Washington Nationals grounds crew.
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Dead Letters
Everyone has terrible handwriting these days. My daughter and I set out to fix ours.
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Where There's E-Smoke …
Should I be ostracized for smoking electronic cigarettes?
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Spandex Fantasy
I have a lifetime's worth of flab. Can I turn it into muscle in four months?
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Diaper Genie
Can I cut it as a day care worker, one of the most exhausting, worst paid, and smelliest jobs in America?
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The Most Dangerous Game
I have never played golf. So why, oh, why, did I start now?
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Playing Doctor
Oh, no! I'm the first patient these 23 medical students have ever examined.
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I've Got The Secret
What happened when I followed the best-selling book's advice for two months.
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My Starvation Diet
I've cut back to 1,500 calories a day. Will I live to be 120 years old?
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The Math Moron
I can barely add and subtract. Can I learn enough math in five months to help my fifth-grader with her homework?
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The Dog That Didn't Bark
Can I cure my sociopathic beagle with the Dog Whisperer's techniques?
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A Visit to My Future
Bingo. 3 p.m. dinner. Leisure World. What happens when I try to live like a senior citizen.
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Am I the Next Jack Abramoff?
In which I discover that any idiot—even me—can be a Washington lobbyist.
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Sleeping With the Fishes
I thought ice fishing would be cold, uncomfortable, and a little bit dangerous. How wrong I was.
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Naked and the Dread
I pose nude for students. Will the art world ever be the same?
