Touch football rules: Etiquette for a friendly Thanksgiving game (VIDEO).

This Is the Only Correct Way to Play Touch Football on Thanksgiving

This Is the Only Correct Way to Play Touch Football on Thanksgiving

Answers for modern men.
Nov. 19 2014 10:16 AM

The Best Way to Play Touch Football on Thanksgiving

How to enjoy the game without alienating and infuriating your loved ones.

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Father and son playing football

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Please send your questions for publication to gentlemanscholarslate@gmail.com. (Questions may be edited.)

Thankful for his readers and hopeful of expressing this gratitude by devising a succulent audiovisual treat, the Gentleman Scholar herein discusses touch-football decorum. Alas, the video is not comprehensive; we did not have the time to explore contrasting approaches to the first down, for instance, or the implications of the U.S. Army’s having declared the game “an excellent activity” for young psychotics.

For further study, please consult the uncontested authority on Thanksgiving touch football, the Wall Street Journal’s Jason Gay, whose code of conduct prohibits trash talk. “No taunting, cursing or back-handed compliments,” Gay writes. “That’s what Thanksgiving dinner is for.”

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Troy Patterson is Slate’s writer at large and a contributing writer at the New York Times Magazine.