Most of America didn’t know who New York Rep. Chris Lee was before it was revealed that the married congressman enjoyed legislating, long walks on the beach, and trolling for transgender prostitutes on Craigslist. He resigned almost immediately when the scandal came to light in February. “Alas,” one respondent lamented, “the leading member of the House Caucus on Polymorphous Perversity is gone in a flash.” At least he has Rep. Anthony Weiner to thank for his swift irrelevancy. If it weren’t for Weiner, Lee would have been known as the congressman “dumb enough to post half-naked pics of himself” online.
U.S. Congress
Ashton Kutcher
First came the tabloid stories about the then-married-to-Demi Moore star cavorting with naked 22-year-olds in a hot tub (“Why are they always blondes?”). Then came the ignorant defense of Joe Paterno on Twitter (“Think before you Tweet, bro”). Divorce papers were filed shortly thereafter. Kutcher’s even flailing in his role replacing Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men—ratings have been sliding of late. “He’s the poor man’s Charlie Sheen in every possible way,” one respondent writes, “he’s even worse at having affairs.”
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Herman Cain
When Herman Cain’s campaign for president began in earnest, his wife of 43 years was nowhere to be seen—but he talked about Gloria all the time. “Any guy who mentions his loving wife as much as Cain did is obviously having an affair,” one respondent quips. He claims that he didn’t remember the face of one of the several co-workers who accused him of sexual harassment, but maybe that’s because he’s “nudged the back of so many women's heads toward his crotch,” that he honestly didn’t recognize them. Adios, “The Herminator,” we’ll miss your “sweet Crocodile Dundee hat” but pretty much nothing else.
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Chris Hansen
“So awkward when the guy who does the catching gets caught,” one respondent commented when the To Catch a Predator host was videotaped stepping out on his wife by the National Enquirer. How “deliciously ironic” that a guy who made his living conducting hidden camera investigations of dudes “trying to nail underage girls,” would have his own tricks used against him. Then it turned out that Hansen had a second mistress—a stripper. “Where's that camera now, Chris?”
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Kim Kardashian
The Kardashian Klan’s popularity remains one of the world’s “great unsolved mysteries,” muses one respondent. But popular they are: Kim Kardashian’s wedding to “talking Neanderthal” Kris Humphries netted the couple a reported $8 million, turning their big day into a so-called “media extravaganza.” Kim filed for divorce a mere 72 days after the wedding bonanza, just in time to get press for her new show, Kourtney and Kim Take New York. “As if her totally mercenary marriage weren’t bad enough,” one respondent sniffs, “her whole family is destroying the English language with the rampant misspellings in their rip-off products: Kardashian Kard, Kardashian Konfidential, the existence of Khloe, etc.”
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Silvio Berlusconi
The Italian ex-prime minister is “more arrogant than Herman Cain, if that's possible.” He is a serial adulterer, alleged embezzler, and unrepentant sexist who once said that there would never be enough Italian soldiers to protect all the country’s beautiful girls from getting raped. At least he resigned from office this year, but we’re keeping our credo: “Never trust anyone with a comb-over.”
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Charlie Sheen
Last year we deemed the MaSheen “the energizer bunny of cads,” because his churlishness keeps going and going, and lo! He’s “still winning” at being a total dirtbag in 2011. Back in March, he embarked on a days-long ultra-publicized meltdown, which included dissing his boss, quitting his gig as the highest paid actor on TV, many recorded rants, a whole new vocabulary, and two live-in girl friends he called “the goddesses.” Though he’s a disaster, he’s not without his charms. One respondent does concede, “Lord have mercy on my soul, but I saw your Comedy Central roast and I found myself kind of liking you.”
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Anthony Weiner
The former New York representative “introduced grandmothers across America to the concept of the dong shot,” when it turned out that he was Tweeting semi-naked photos of himself to various women who weren’t his wife. And about that wife: When the scandal broke, Weiner’s wife, Hillary Clinton aide Huma Abedin, was pregnant. Our respondents were vaguely sympathetic to the exhibitionist congressman—they thought his very public misstep was a matter of fate. “Poor guy,” one said, “Doomed from the start by his name.”
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Arnold Schwarzenegger
“It takes cojones to knock up the nanny and then keep her on your household staff for years after you find out,” one correspondent noted. “Funny, don’t steroids usually shrink cojones?” Yes, this year we discovered that the former California governor had impregnated his wife, Maria Shriver, and one of his household staffers only weeks apart. Shriver finally separated from the jerk after more than two decades of marriage right before the news became public that the governator had a love child. Good riddance to small cojones.
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Dominique Strauss-Kahn
The former IMF chief’s story about his encounter with a maid at a swank NYC hotel “has more holes in it than Swiss cheese.” Though the sexual assault charges against DSK were eventually dropped, the tales of his personal behavior were “beyond sordid.” The still-married DSK told a French reporter, “I respect women,” but then why did a French journalist claim he attacked her like a “rutting chimpanzee”? “He apparently wants it rough, even if his partner doesn't want it at all,” said one respondent. Cad may be too mild a word for this year’s worst.
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2011 will go down in the history of cads as the year of the Trolling Politician: Two married congressmen from New York (Reps. Chris Lee and Anthony Weiner) were dumb enough to disseminate pics of their bare, sculpted chests in an attempt to get attention and affection from near-strangers online. You would think that after 2010 cad list favorite Brett Favre sent that dong shot, public figures would know better than to leave such an obvious digital trail. But where would our yearly cads list be without extreme narcissism and myopia?
We compiled our third annual Worst Cad of the Year list the way we put together our 2009 and 2010 versions: Our DoubleX correspondents sent in comments on each person in the lineup, and those comments are included in quotation marks, Zagat-style. This year’s list has a few firsts for us, including our first lady cad in the form of komely Kim Kardashian. The televised debacle of her 72-day marriage and the accompanying cash grab turned our collective stomachs.
Charlie Sheen has the distinction of making the list two years running—another first. He wins extra cad points for spewing his Sheenglish in both old and new media. This list is also more worldly than previous lists, with disgraced European politicians Dominique Strauss-Kahn and Silvio Berlusconi both earning their fair share of ire. Also hailing from the continent is “The Austrian Oak” Arnold Schwarzenegger. The American public discovered this year that Arnold impregnated both his wife and his mistress at almost the same time in 1997. Oh, by the way, his mistress worked as a housekeeper in the Schwarzenegger household for years after she had his love child.
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Our cads list is fairly comprehensive, but it’s not complete. Please do add any cads we’ve left out in the comments below. Perhaps this year’s list will be instructive, and next year’s cheating celebrities will be smart enough to keep their philandering offline. We’re sure that will happen. Right after that 2012 apocalypse.