Dealing with post-breakup visitors, in this week’s Dear Prudie extra.

Help! I’m Stuck in a Lease With My Ex, and It’s Ruining My Sex Life.

Help! I’m Stuck in a Lease With My Ex, and It’s Ruining My Sex Life.

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July 24 2017 4:09 PM
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Help! I’m Stuck in a Lease With My Ex, and It’s Ruining My Sex Life.

Dear Prudence answers more of your questions—only for Slate Plus members.

Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Thinkstock.

Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Thinkstock.

Every week, Mallory Ortberg answers additional questions from readers, just for Slate Plus members.

Q. Stuck with a selfish ex and looking to have my new guy over: I’m stuck in a lease with my ex-boyfriend. We are trying to get out, but for financial reasons, neither of us can move until we get new tenants. We broke up several weeks ago, a long-coming and painful resolution to a dispassionate relationship, though we had a strong companionship.

After the breakup, I discovered he had cheated on me with three women, even getting one of them pregnant. (She miscarried.) He is now dating one of those women and is often gone with her. I have moved on myself and have met an exciting guy whom I’m sexually compatible with. For various reasons, I can’t always be with this new guy at his home, so I want to have him over when my ex is not here. My ex is adamantly against me having my new guy over—ever.

Prudie, is there any reason to respect my ex’s wishes given he was so disrespectful to me?

A: It depends on whether you think your ex is capable of putting you through a War of the Roses–style campaign. If you think he’s willing to make co-habitating a miserable experience for you, it might be worth keeping your head down for the next few months until your lease is up. If you don’t think he’s got the energy or the vitriol, then double-check your lease to find out what policy, if any, your building has on occasional overnight guests, and invite your new boyfriend to spend the night when your soon-to-be-ex-roommate is sleeping elsewhere.

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