Q. Dog quarrel: We have four dogs (two males, two females). We have had dog aggression problems in the past (between our females) but got it under control with training and saw noticeable improvements. Earlier this year, one male started brutally attacking our other male (even though they were best friends for two years before that). Crate rotations were a drag, but after all other attempts at training/reintegrating them back together failed (and we tried EVERYTHING—including trying to find another home for the dog in question), keeping them separated was at least livable. Well this past week, the same male started attacking the other through his kennel. Even without any physical contact, it took my husband and I a solid five minutes to get him away from his brother. Yesterday, he did it again, but the high intensity prompted a fight between our girls, and for the first time, the male aggressor jumped on his sister, and we had three dogs in the same fight. He bit my husband who pulled him away, and as much as I love ALL of our dogs, I feel I’m at the end of my rope. We are both avid animal lovers, but please tell me I’m not wrong to give him one last amazing day and then say goodnight for good. My husband agrees he can’t stay in the house anymore but can’t stomach putting him down. He just wants to turn him loose. I don’t want my dog’s last moments to be filled with hunger, chills, terror, or pain (if he got struck by a car), and I feel like we’ve done everything we can to give him a chance. Spoiling him one last time seems to be the most loving thing to do. Are we overlooking another option? Every shelter and kennel has turned us away because of his aggression.
A: Let’s agree that your husband’s plan to simply abandon your dog is the worst possible option. It could result in your dog attacking another animal or person, possibly fatally; moreover, getting hit by a car or starving to death on the street is a much more painful death than being put down in a vet’s office. If you’re concerned that you are missing out on an alternative, ask your veterinarian for advice, in case his aggression has an underlying medical cause. If your dog is not aggressive with people when he is the only dog in the house, see if you can find a home for him where he will be the only dog. If, however, you have exhausted all of your options, if the dog is aggressive regardless of the number of other animals in the house and you believe there is no possible way your dog can be rehomed or placed in a shelter because of his violent history with both other dogs and people, then euthanasia is the kindest choice.
Q. Advice on not giving advice: For several years I had a partner-level job where I hired and managed many people. I hated managing and finally transitioned to a role where I don’t manage anybody and work remotely, alone. Bliss! Problem is I still frequently get unsolicited emails from people in the industry asking if we could chat about career advice. I have no job leads, no advice to offer, and no interest in cultivating contacts. However, I don’t want to be rude, and simply deleting these emails seems rude. A bald statement of the facts (“Hey, I am an extreme introvert who dislikes most people in my industry. I can’t help you and if I knew you, probably wouldn’t care to”) seems both too brusque and too personal. I don’t want to waste their time or my time—what’s a polite response?
A: “Thanks for getting in touch! I’m not available to offer career advice, but best of luck.” You don’t have to offer an excuse for not doing a stranger a favor. They’re called favors because they’re optional, and you’re well within the bounds of politeness by declining without giving a reason.
