Every week, Mallory Ortberg answers additional questions from readers, just for Slate Plus members.
Q. Baby talk?: About three months ago, I met a fabulous fella. He’s handsome, smart, funny, and I have a good feeling where things are going. His only flaw: He uses baby talk on occasion, usually when he’s feeling snuggly. It’s dangerously close to being a deal-breaker, but I like him so well that I am trying really hard to ignore it and chalk it up to being an imperfect person myself. Is there any way to broach this issue without sounding like I am trying to change who he is or hurt his feelings? I don’t feel like there’s a nice way to say “I would rather eat glass than hear you say something in baby talk?” Any advice-y wicey?
A: “I don’t like baby talk; it really doesn’t work for me. Could you please stop?”
Q. No swearing, please: My husband and I are hosting a former student of mine for a week. She belongs to a very strict sect of Catholicism which prohibits swearing and has a severe dress code. I feel while she is with us, we should avoid swearing and dress modestly so she is comfortable. My husband feels that it is his house and she should be exposed to “the real world,” as he puts it. Help?
A: The job of a host is to make a guest feel comfortable, within reason. The job of a host is not to expose a guest to certain aspects of “the real world” that he deems necessary. It is not necessary for you to dress differently for your guest’s sake, as her dress code is her own. If you can go to the supermarket or out to a restaurant without violating everyday social convention, then whatever you normally wear will be fine. If you decide to curb your swearing for a week to make your guest feel more at ease, that would be a kind and thoughtful thing to do. Think of it this way: If you eat meat and had a vegetarian guest over for dinner, you wouldn’t necessarily eat vegetarian food all day yourself, but you’d still want to provide them with something they could eat and a comfortable environment where they don’t feel scrutinized or unwelcome. You don’t have to make a big production out of self-correction if the occasional “damn hell ass kings” slips out, and you don’t have to monitor your husband’s speech either. Both of you should think of it as a courtesy, rather than an obligation. While you’re under no imperative to adopt her manners of speech or dress as your own, you shouldn’t go out of your way to demonstrate how different her lifestyle is from yours, either.
