Every week, Mallory Ortberg answers additional questions from readers, just for Slate Plus members.
Q. Lying sister: Around this time last year I told my family I was pregnant with my second child. A couple of months later my younger sister said she was pregnant. She was very secretive about her due date, and some members of the family thought she might not actually be pregnant (she has a long history of lying). She eventually said that she was due in October, then November. Well, her due date came and went, and now she’s due sometime in December.
She has made up this huge lie that her doctor’s office is involved in fraud (they showed patients other patients’ ultrasounds). She also said OSHA and HIPAA were there to interview them, which doesn’t even make sense. My point is that this whole thing is a lie to cover up the fact that she wasn’t actually pregnant until sometime in April.
My mother refuses to say something to her about this. She says she “picks her battles,” and this isn’t one she is picking. I know the real reason she won’t say anything is that she’s afraid my sister won’t let her talk to the kids. I feel something needs to be said, and it should be my mother who should talk to her. The only caveat is that if you say anything to my sister, she blows up.
Should we say something, and if so, who should say it? By the way, she lives in another state, so we rarely ever see her.
A: I have so many questions about this situation (how on Earth could HIPAA “be” at a doctor’s office for the purpose of interviewing someone? HIPAA is an act, not an organization. Also, how sure are you that your sister is, in fact, pregnant now, if you believe her to have lied about it in the past?), but I will put them aside for now.
You rarely see your sister, have very little in the way of a pre-existing relationship, don’t trust her to tell the truth, and know she responds spectacularly badly to criticism or even specific questions. Under those circumstances, I don’t see how you could effectively challenge her about her dishonesty, and I’m afraid your mother’s current policy of triage is probably the best route to take. Your mother may have bigger battles to choose on the horizon, but you should continue to keep your sister at arm’s length and focus on your own family.
