Every week, Mallory Ortberg answers additional questions from readers, just for Slate Plus members.
Q. She yelled at my child: I’m part of a group of friends that hangs out at each other’s houses instead of going out now that kids are in the picture.
My problem is with the wife of one of my friends. She has strict, unrealistic rules for young children and expects us to make our kids follow them. When my daughter started teasing her pit bull, she got very angry, took my daughter by the arm, and marched her back to me, scolding her all the way. My kid was crying and upset. We left immediately.
This woman is still unbelievably being invited back to other gatherings, so our friends don’t seem to think she did wrong. Was she wrong to discipline my child, or does she get a pass just because it was her home? What can I do about this?
A: I don’t think your friend overreacted in the moment. I don’t know what “strict, unrealistic rules” she has in place that you object to, but if your daughter was teasing this woman’s dog, she could have been bitten or attacked, and as such a strong response was warranted.
Your friend was (presumably) upset and anxious at the prospect of your daughter provoking her dog. She scolded your daughter because she was behaving unsafely, not because she is an unkind person.
That said, it was your friend’s responsibility to make sure that little children don’t play unsupervised with her dog in her own home, so she’s also to blame for allowing such an unsafe situation in the first place. I think you should limit the time you and your children spend with this woman, but you shouldn’t ask your other friends to exclude her from their social circle.
You should also, now that the heat of the moment has passed, calmly and kindly impress upon your daughter the importance of not teasing animals, and teach her to ask dog owners for permission before petting or playing with their pets.
