Every week, Mallory Ortberg answers additional questions from readers, just for Slate Plus members.
Q. Keep my name or keep the peace: My fiancé and I fit together on most issues, but my refusal to change my name when we get married is sticking out like a sore thumb.
His family has a conservative bent, but I don’t think my rearranging my entire legal identity is the right response to his brothers’ teasing him about being whipped. I like my last name, I have established my career under it, and my full actual name (not the nickname I use) combined with his last name has the unfortunate effect of sounding like a bad comic book character.
Every time I think we have settled it, someone else (a relative, co-worker, etc.) decides to chime in with their two cents, and I am back to square one. It is becoming tiresome to have to trot out my justifications every single time it comes up. I have come this close to snapping at my fiancé’s aunt that “I don’t give a damn about her opinion.”
Is there a clever way I can tell people to shut their damn mouth about the subject without starting a world war before the wedding?
A: I don’t think there’s a much better reason than “Because I particularly wish it,” which is as good a justification as any to keep one’s own name. “I’m very happy with my decision, thanks for asking, but you are of course free to change your name to anything you like” is a bit snappier, though perhaps unwieldy. I don’t advise you to get into a fight with everyone who wants to stick their oar in—if only for the sake of your own sanity—and the easiest, most plausibly polite way to signal you’re not interested in further feedback is, “Thanks for letting me know your thoughts on the matter. What else is new with you?”
