Every week, Mallory Ortberg answers additional questions from readers, just for Slate Plus members.
Q. Can my date become a little less loving?: I have just started dating a wonderful, bright, and handsome man. My only and spoiled concern is that he seems to have fallen for me almost immediately, and now mostly wants to either make out constantly or offer declarations of love and admiration, which he seems a little disappointed not to get in return right away.
I really, really like him, but at this stage of a relationship I much prefer witty banter and getting to know each other. Hearing how amazing I am, at this point, makes me uncomfortable more than anything else. How can I tell him this, gently, without pushing him away?
A: Oh, this makes me a little uncomfortable, and I’m not even the one being splattered with praise.
Anyone who pushes premature declarations of devotion deserves a wary eye; the praise often has less to do with your actual value as a romantic partner and more to do with a reflexive need for immediate intimacy, which is both unhealthy and off-putting. Maybe he’s just a little overeager, but it’s not a great sign that he can’t relax and back off when it’s clear you’re not ready for his over-the-top admiration.
Tell him plainly that you aren’t comfortable talking about love or exchanging extravagant compliments this early in a relationship. If he backs off, then he’s probably just a slightly overeager Romeo who needed to rein things in, but if he tries to pressure you, or make you feel guilty for not acting grateful for his too-soon professions of love, it’s a bad sign of things to come.
