Every week, Mallory Ortberg answers additional questions from readers, just for Slate Plus members.
Q. Mixed-orientation marriage: When we got married, my wife was mostly attracted to women. I (a man) was bisexual. Neither of us wanted monogamy, so we decided to have an open relationship. Which is great, except that I’m now exclusively attracted to men. She’s still 99.9 percent into women but wants to remain sexual, at least occasionally, because otherwise she doesn’t see the point in staying. We love each other very much and our relationship works on so many levels … except sexually. They say marriage is about compromise. But am I compromising too much?
I don’t know that there’s such a thing as compromising “too much”; one person’s too much is another’s just right. The question is whether what works for you could possibly work for her, or whether you’re going to have to admit that the two of you are no longer compatible. What you would like out of your marriage, it seems, is to end the sexual component, continue to sleep with other people, but remain emotionally and logistically committed to one another as partners. She wants to keep sleeping together and “doesn’t see the point” in remaining partnered if you don’t have sex. Are you willing to sleep with her, even though you’re no longer attracted to her, for the rest of your marriage just to keep things together? If not, I think you might have your answer.
