Every week, Mallory Ortberg answers additional questions from readers, just for Slate Plus members.
Q. Trip without spouse: I have been married for a little more than a year. It’s a blast. We have a lot of fun together, and I’m very grateful. Recently, I was invited to go on a trip with some single friends. I talked about it with my husband, and he was super supportive and thought it sounded like a great time for me (we also recently moved, so it would be a good opportunity to reconnect with the friends I left behind). The problem is that I feel super guilty. He is the primary breadwinner by leaps and bounds, so there’s a money part of it. But also I feel really bad that I’m having this awesome adventure without him. He’s totally cool with it (and probably wouldn’t hate the alone time in the house), but I can’t shake my guilt. What do you think? Do you think it is OK for one part to use money for an individual experience?
A: Yes! Yes, oh my God, yes. Shake that guilt off like a cat that’s accidentally gotten wet. Your husband loves you and wants you to have a delightful experience with your friends; what a joy! This is not the only vacation you will ever take—you two will have plenty of adventures together. Your husband will have a great time having the house to himself, and I’m sure he won’t feel guilty for a minute about his own enjoyment, so neither should you feel guilty about yours. Getting married does not mean that all future trips and experiences and delights must be split legalistically down the middle. You are not meant to haggle over joys with your partner. I don’t just think it’s OK for one party to use money for an individual experience within a marriage; I think it’s absolutely necessary. When your husband has the opportunity to take a trip or do something he loves by himself, be as gracious and supportive of him as he has been of you. Now go have a good time.
