Every week, Mallory Ortberg answers additional questions from readers, just for Slate Plus members.
Q. Confused!: I’ve been dating a wonderful man for the past four years. He is considerate, ambitious, affectionate, and absolutely adores me—everything anyone would want in a life partner. Recently, I met this other man in a class I’m taking. We clicked instantly. There’s this magnetic attraction between us, and he seems to know exactly what I’m thinking even though we just met. It’s hard to explain, and I’ve never had this happen before with someone I’ve just met. I know getting to know this guy would be incredibly detrimental to my relationship, and I already feel guilty for feeling this way. Is this just a crush? Is it normal to feel this way? What should I do?
A: Crushes are normal. You sound like you have an exciting, heady time talking with this man when you’re at school and have already decided you don’t want to pursue a friendship outside of the classroom because you’re committed to your current relationship. I think you’re doing everything righ, and should not beat yourself up for enjoying the occasional “magnetic” conversation. He sounds delightful, and perfectly appropriate, and profoundly normal; there is a reason people use the phrase “office spouse,” and I think you might have found his scholastic equivalent.
