Every week, Mallory Ortberg answers additional questions from readers, just for Slate Plus members.
Q. Gifts for a gender reveal? Friends of ours are having a gender-reveal party for their baby that is due in the fall. The invitation to the party included a list of the places they are registered. Are gifts expected at a gender-reveal party? I would prefer to wait until the shower, because I enjoy picking gifts that go with the nursery theme or baby’s gender. Will it be rude to attend the gender-reveal party without a present?
A: I did not expect this day would involve writing this sentence, but life is a rich tapestry, so here goes: No, it is not rude to attend a gender-reveal party without a present. I will refrain from adding my own opinions about gender-reveal parties, and all the attendant essentialism and expectations, and say merely that you can save your presents for the baby shower.
Q. Friends: I have a friend whom I’ve known for 12-plus years. We share secrets and know each other’s family, but she always forgets my birthday (except for one year when we had a work meeting on my birthday—she was very sweet and took me shopping).
I have no expectation of a gift but would just like to feel that I am on her radar screen enough such that she would take the time to text me or email me on my birthday. When we talk after my birthday and I mention what I did, she just makes a joke—“Oh I guess should be on Facebook.”
I wish her “happy birthday” each year, and for big birthdays I send her a gift. Should I just let it go?
A: I tend to be fairly low key about adults’ birthdays myself—I didn’t celebrate my last one—so I’m sympathetic to your friend. But you’re not asking to be feted, just acknowledged; next time your birthday rolls around, go ahead and ask for what you want. Tell her your birthday is coming up, that you’re very much looking forward to it, and you’d love it if she called or texted her congratulations. Don’t bring it up as a past failure on her part, because she hasn’t done anything wrong, but ask for what you want. It’s clear she wishes you well and treats you kindly otherwise, so if she continues to be a bit behind on birthdays, don’t hold it against her.
