Every week, Mallory Ortberg answers additional questions from readers, just for Slate Plus members.
Q. Wedding Gift: I would normally always buy a wedding gift for a couple, but I am stumped on what to do for the next wedding I am attending. The groom to be was in my wedding party. He brought his fiancé to my wedding, and I invited his then-roommate at the time to come as well, but we were just acquaintances. None of these three gave my wife and me anything.
Now we are traveling, at great cost, to his wedding. Do I have to buy a gift? Or is a card sufficient?
A: Do you want to know something absolutely terrible about me? I don’t think bringing a gift to a wedding is mandatory. Gifts are wonderful but become something rather other than gifts if they are not optional.
If you’re invited to a wedding and the cost of bringing a gift (particularly one from the registry) is exorbitant once you factor in travel and wardrobe expenses, I think you should show up giftless and with a clear conscience. Offer them your heartiest congratulations, celebrate with them, give them a card with your warmest sentiments, and enjoy yourself.
