Q. I’m a Virgin: I’m a freshman in college, and I have a close friend who is very religious. (I am not.) We talk about boys and such and she has made several references to what is unambiguously vaginal sex (which she’s had with one person). Apart from that, she’s given head to (and gotten head from) many guys. So I was pretty surprised when we were talking and she referred to herself as both celibate and a virgin! She is not! This isn’t something I really care about (I think people should have sex with whomever they want, whenever they want, without judgment), but she is factually wrong to think that she is a virgin. Should I correct her on it?
A: If you truly don’t care about it, let your actions follow your feelings and do nothing.
Q. Ring-jumped: I’ve been thinking about how best to propose to my long-time girlfriend for about six months. I’m currently in grad school, so I have put it off making moves (getting a ring, talking to her parents, etc.) until after I finish grad school next week. She has a general sense of timing and has been cool with the plan. Issues have arisen, as two of her very close friends have gotten engaged in the past six weeks. Both of her friends dated their now fiancés for significantly shorter times than we have. I was planning on talking to her parents shortly after my graduation, but I’m worried that it’ll be seen as playing catch-up rather than a sincere, thought-out plan that was made independently of any pressure. How can I avoid having her family think this? How much time do I have to wait to space things out enough? Or am I overthinking things?
A: You’ve been with your girlfriend for years; I don’t think she (or her family) will assume you’re only proposing because two of her friends got engaged recently. Don’t worry about what other couples are doing, or how long they’ve been together relative to the two of you. You say you’re both happy with your relationship timetable. Getting engaged is an awfully common thing to do, and lots of engagements (and grad school graduations, and promotions, and weddings, and babies) take place around the same five-year stretch. If you wait to get engaged until everyone else in your age cohort has either taken a mate or declared their commitment to singlehood, you might never get around to it. Get engaged! Congratulations!
