Q. Sexual compatibility: I’ve been happily married for 30 years. We have accumulated wealth, raised a happy child, and are best friends. I have never contemplated cheating, until 16 months ago when I met a much younger man who has ignited a sexuality I never imagined. I have not acted on it, though my married sex life has never been better because I imagine I am with the younger guy. After all this time, I feel if I don’t act on my feelings, I will lose touch with the new guy. I believe there is no future with a man who has no children and will be hitting his prime when I’ll be 70. Do I stick with my best friend or risk it to finally be with a man I’m sexually drawn to? At my age I’m afraid I’ll never have this chance again but also fear losing the fairy tale (minus great sex) I’ve created with my husband.
A: I think you should stick with what you’ve got. Nothing in your letter suggests to me that your sexual obsession reciprocates or even knows about your feelings. While you admit there’s no future in it, I don’t think there’s much of a present to be had with him either. Enjoy your fantasies for what they are—pure make-believe—and don’t leave your clear happy marriage for a wild crush.