Help! My Little Neighbor Girls Need a Mother Figure, but Why Me?

Advice on manners and morals.
June 21 2012 5:45 AM

Come Again Never

My two little neighbor girls need somebody in their lives, but their visits annoy me. What should I do?

(Continued from Page 1)

Dear Chasing,
A closeted homophobe with whom you’ve made out does not sound like good roommate material. It’s a poor idea to want to get intimately involved with someone you will be forced to sleep a few feet away from for the entire school year no matter what happens. It’s likely he will either be fending you off, or giving in to you. If you two do have a sexual relationship that then ends, it’s not as if you can avoid each other. So talk to your potential roommate now. Tell him that you really like him, but given the strained circumstances that already exist between the two of you, you’re wondering if he’s been thinking, as you have, that rooming together is not a great idea. Discussing this maturely will help you two then explain to the housing office that you've mutually agreed a change of roommate is for the best.

—Prudie

Dear Prudence,
I've been married to my husband for 10 years, and for most of that time we’ve lived in his home country of Greece. There has been a recent fad going on here. A record number of the men are getting “manhood” extension surgery. My husband wants this surgery. I don't think it's necessary, or safe. I've tried talking him out of it, but he’s insisting on getting this done. I've read articles that when the economy is bad, women turn to brighter lipstick colors or higher heeled shoes. Is this the same thing for men? Can you help me help him?

—He Wants To Be Adonis

Advertisement

Dear Wants,
I’m sure many Greek men feel they have been given the short end of the stick. But it's insane to respond by paying a doctor to give them the shaft. I suppose it’s good to know that even as the economy limps along and public workers are getting laid off, there is at least a thriving market for pubic workers. According to the Economist, Greek men get more penis enlargement procedures than the males of any other country. This sounds nuts to me, but there must be some vas deferens between the psyche of the Greek man and his more confident brethren. You are right to be concerned. This article surveys penis enlargement procedures, and one has to conclude that as a medical practice, they’re all cocked up. For starters, side effects include “infections, nerve damage, reduced sensitivity, and difficulty getting an erection.” Even if the surgery works, the penis is barely noticeably larger, but scarring can end up making it smaller. So the nub of what you must convey to your husband is this: Beware of Greeks cutting dicks.

—Prudie

More Dear Prudence Columns

Cat Got Your Tongue?: A woman involved in the mysterious disappearance of a feline doesn't know whether to cover up or confess.” Posted July 21, 2011.
Almost Famous: My rock-star ex wants his sexy photos back. Should I relent or play hardball?” Posted July 14, 2011.
An Innocent Man: An ex-girlfriend falsely claimed I raped her. How do I reveal this hurtful incident to future love interests?” Posted July 7, 2011.
A View to a Thrill: Neighbor boys peep at my scantily clad daughters. Should I have them cover up?” Posted June 30, 2011.

More Dear Prudence Chat Transcripts

Confronting the Queen Bees: Dear Prudence advises a teen who longs to stand up to her cruel classmates but fears retaliation.” Posted July 25, 2011.
Bozo Boyfriend's Nose-Job Nightmare: Dear Prudence advises a man who convinced his girlfriend to have plastic surgery that left her disfigured.” Posted July 18, 2011.
Should a Former Hottie Burn the Evidence?: Dear Prudence advises a woman whose ex-husband took nudie pictures of her and still has them.” Posted July 11, 2011.
Boyfriend Is Thick as a Brick: Dear Prudence advises a woman who is reluctant to wed her dim-bulb suitor.” Posted July 5, 2011.

Emily Yoffe is a regular Slate contributor. She writes the Dear Prudence column.