I hate to break it to you, but if a major division of your company is overseen by a sketchy guy who hires an obvious imposter, and your bosses have no idea, then your company is not that well run. If you would be branded disloyal for bringing to the owners’ attention the fact that a fraud artist is threatening their livelihoods, then you might not have a job in the long term because this business may not be destined to last. Go to your bosses with what you’ve discovered. Explain your concerns were provoked when Scott made a high-level hire of someone who appears to lack familiarity with your industry. Say database research is one of your skills and you discovered information about Thom that shows some serious inconsistencies. Avoid making direct accusations about Scott and Thom—you’re simply drawing attention to the record. (If the thought of doing this makes you too fearful, you can write the trusty anonymous letter and enclose your documentation.) If Thom isn’t quickly gone and if Scott’s division doesn’t have a shake-up, then reread The Firm—and dust off your résumé.
I am a 30-year-old Middle Eastern journalist who has had a girlfriend for several years. Both of us are virgins. Because of the government and our families we can't have intimate sexual relations, but we will marry next year. I love my girlfriend but the problem is I daydream a lot about sex. Half of the sexy daydreams are about my girlfriend and half of them about other women friends, workmates, actresses, and porn stars. I do not dream about being emotionally close to them, only about sex. Is this a betrayal? Could this end my marriage? How can I stop?
So you want to stop your sexual daydreams—I’ve heard death is a very effective cure. Until then, despite what you may have been told about your sexual fantasies, they are perfectly normal. From your brief description, yours are pretty much standard issue. Your thoughts are not a betrayal and they shouldn’t interfere with your marriage. You and your wife may even want to share some of your fantasies as you get to know each other better in bed. (Leave out the ones about how hot your co-worker Scheherazade is.) I don’t know how accessible sexual reading material is in your country, but as you approach the happy day, you might want to do some boning up on what’s coming. Sex Made Easy, by Debbie Herbenick, is one place to start.
More Dear Prudence Columns
"A View to a Thrill: Neighbor boys peep at my scantily clad daughters. Should I have them cover up?” Posted June 30, 2011.
“Loving Thy Neighbor: I have sex with the couple next door. Should I tell my kids about it?” Posted June 23, 2011.
“Fatherly Advice: Dear Prudence advises a dad whose wife fears he'll abandon the family in favor of his long-lost daughter—and other Father's Day advice seekers.” Posted June 16, 2011.
“Businessman on the Road to Ruin: My wife doesn't know I visit strip bars and porn theaters while away on business. But that's not cheating, right?” Posted June 9, 2011.
More Dear Prudence Chat Transcripts
“All Dogs Go to Heaven: Dear Prudence advises a dying husband on whether to confess his infidelity—during a live chat at Washingtonpost.com.” Posted June 27, 2011.
“Sloppy Stay-at-Home Mom: Prudie advises a man whose wife is great at everything except keeping the house neat—in a live chat at Washingtonpost.com.” Posted June 13, 2011.
“The 40-Year-Old Mean Girl: Prudie advises a former bully whose kids are being mistreated by her victim's children—in a live chat at Washingtonpost.com.” Posted June 6, 2011.
“The Accused: A young neighbor's unfounded claims put my family in danger. Should we allow the girl back into our lives?” Posted June 2, 2011.
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