Help! I Just Found Out I May Not Be Hispanic. What Does This Mean for My Scholarship?

Advice on manners and morals.
April 19 2012 6:00 AM

Identification, Please

I’ve been offered a scholarship for Hispanic students—but it turns out I may not even be Hispanic. Does it matter?

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Dear Baffled,
Your friend Thomas is not the only person to walk down the aisle thinking that life would be a lot more fun if the ring were going on the finger of someone other than their intended. Feeling this way is obviously an inauspicious start to a marriage, but I’m not sure it’s a certain disaster in the making. It could be that when facing what should be a death-do-us-part decision, other unexplored possibilities start to appear more bright. Now that Thomas is on the cusp of not being able to turn back, he’s reviewing a decade of declarations to you left unsaid, of passes never made, and he finally needed to find out if you might have been feeling the same way all these years. That you treated his revelation as a punch line to a bizarre joke let him know where he stands. That may allow him to proceed, finally, with some peace. Don’t say anything to his fiancée, and quietly take your seat at the ceremony. If, at the last moment, he jilts the poor woman, at least you will be one person in attendance who knows why.

Dear Prudence,
I have a wonderful girlfriend of almost a year. Everything in our relationship has been amazing, but I'm hung up on what is probably an insignificant little detail. When we started sleeping together I learned that she wears "enhancing" undergarments, so she's not as well-endowed as she appears. This sounds shallow, but it was kind of disappointing. I would feel a lot better about this if she would hang up the Wonderbra in favor of more honest attire, but I don't want her to feel self-conscious, or that I'm only interested in her breasts. Is this something I can bring up, or do I just need to get used to it?

—Underwhelmed

Dear Underwhelmed,
Louis C.K. has a riff at the end of Hilarious about how when women get to assess the endowment of their prospective male bedmate, they’re generally already in bed, and women are so nice that they rarely comment on the inadequacy of the wares. The last time I went undergarment shopping I discovered a stack of water bras. I did wonder what went through a guy’s mind once he unfastened one of these things only to discover an aquarium’s worth of assets was coming off. But it’s generally true that the unfastening is its own reward. Your girlfriend may also enhance her eyelashes with mascara and her hair with highlights. But you’re hardly going to tell her it would be more honest if her eyes were naked and her hair less sunkissed. You say she’s wonderful, so just appreciate that, Wonderbra and all.

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—Prudie

More Dear Prudence Columns
"A View to a Thrill: Neighbor boys peep at my scantily clad daughters. Should I have them cover up?” Posted June 30, 2011.
Loving Thy Neighbor: I have sex with the couple next door. Should I tell my kids about it?” Posted June 23, 2011.
Fatherly Advice: Dear Prudence advises a dad whose wife fears he'll abandon the family in favor of his long-lost daughter—and other Father's Day advice seekers.” Posted June 16, 2011.
Businessman on the Road to Ruin: My wife doesn't know I visit strip bars and porn theaters while away on business. But that's not cheating, right?” Posted June 9, 2011.

Correction, April 20, 2012: This article originally misspelled Genghis Khan's name as "Genghis Kahn."