Help! Underhanded Colleagues Are Framing My Boss for Sexual Harassment.

Advice on manners and morals.
Oct. 27 2011 7:20 AM

Indecent Proposal

My colleagues are framing our boss for harassment. Should I expose their evil plot?

Emily Yoffe.
Emily Yoffe

Photograph by Teresa Castracane.

Get Dear Prudence delivered to your inbox each week; click here to sign up. Please send your questions for publication to (Questions may be edited.)

Got a burning question for Prudie? She'll be online at to chat with readers each Monday at 1 p.m. Submit your questions and comments here before or during the live discussion.

Dear Prudie,
I work at a small company and love my job. We have a controversial CEO who has made several enemies over the last few years. It has come to my attention that there is a plot to get him ousted with a false claim of sexual harassment. One of the conspirators is a colleague who the boss dislikes. I know the claim is false because another one of the plotters, a friend who works in human resources, has essentially told me as much. I told my friend that what they are doing is wrong and dangerous. She will not retract her claim because she thinks it is for the good of the company. The conspirators have been in contact with a lawyer, so I think there is no turning back. Obviously, I can’t go to HR with this information. I feel powerless and sad for my boss, whose personal and professional life could be ruined. Should I warn him of this plot? Or should I just hope the truth will prevail?


—No More Drama

Dear Drama,
Your friend in HR must have studied at the Borgia School of Management. So two of your disgruntled co-workers have concocted a scheme to make false accusations and thus destroy the CEO. You’re right that this is wrong and dangerous. Unfortunately, once you get involved in this intrigue—even to try to expose it—there is not necessarily a safe path for you. I spoke to employment attorney Philip Gordon, and he laid out some of the minefields ahead. Let's say you come forward and tell your boss what's up, then he takes action against the conspirators. That could result in two women in the company, one in HR, saying they've been slandered by you. On the other hand, if you don’t say anything and wait for the truth to vindicate your boss, he could end up hustled out the door and the reason for his ouster kept quiet. Gordon said he always advises clients weighing such quandaries to assess their own moral compass and capacity for risk. Maybe you have financial and personal obligations that mean you cannot put your job in jeopardy, and you just have to find comfort in the fact that you’ve done what you could by warning your friend to back off. Maybe you can’t live with knowing an injustice might be done, and you have to act. If you fall into the latter camp, this is a case in which the anonymous letter may be the best way to go. You could write to the boss (or the board, if there is one) and let him know, without even naming names, that there is a plan afoot to smear him. This could give him some protection. And since an investigation would likely ensue, word of it might quash the plans of the conspirators. So the boss may be saved. But if you're the only confidante of your pal in HR, she could still know you were the tipster. Gordon said that besides the tawdriness of trying to influence company policy through character assassination, if your colleagues go ahead, they could end up destroying what they think they’re saving. He said that if the CEO is ousted, then it comes out that HR was behind a plan to tar an innocent man, he’d love to have your boss as a client because your firm would be facing some colossal liability.


Dear Prudence: Charitable Conundrum

Dear Prudence,
My husband is the youngest of five siblings and the most together and fiscally responsible of all. His brothers and sisters are all in debt due to poor choices. They constantly withdraw from the Bank of Mom and Dad, and my in-laws pay for everything from their mortgages, to the grandchildren's private schools, to the cable bill and groceries. My husband and I were so disgusted with all this that we moved 2,000 miles away. A year later his parents finally came to visit. After they’d spent two days here, one of his sisters called to say she needed money to pay her electric bill, and another texted to say she needed them to buy clothing for her kids. My in-laws left immediately to drive across the country. There's the matter of the financial inequalities, and my husband was hurt that they chose his siblings over him. We've tried talking to them in the past about this, but they don't get it. I’m angry to see my husband cast aside for his messed-up siblings. What do we do?

—Can't Get Over It

Dear Can’t,
It was your husband’s good fortune that besides having his own personal sense of grit, his parents possibly were so worn out by the time he came along that they didn’t indulge and disable him like the rest of the brood. Of course it hurts to see his parents favor a bunch of deadbeats.  But recognize that his parents’ love is proportional to each child’s weakness, and that you two have the satisfaction of being self-supporting. Appreciate the painful fact that their lack of attention to him is a sign of his strength. It’s likely that one day the Bank of M&D will be insolvent. There’s no doubt it eventually will close. Then his incompetent siblings will be cast into a world in which they have to purchase their own food and pay their own utility bills. If they then turn to you to take over the welfare payments, it will be your gratifying duty to tell them they’re on their own.


Dear Prudence,
I have been invited to spend Thanksgiving at my best friend "Leah's" home with her husband and son. Another close friend of mine, "Sarah," has asked me to spend Thanksgiving with her. Like me, Sarah's parents passed away at a relatively young age and I know if she is not with me, she will be eating turkey (or Chinese takeout) alone. Sarah asked me at the last minute last year, and I told her that I'd already made plans to be at Leah's house. When Leah heard, she suggested I invite Sarah. But Sarah is not as close to Leah as I am and declined. I am having surgery the week before Thanksgiving, and I'll be convalescing at Leah’s house. I know if I invite Sarah for dinner, she will give her regrets because she feels left out when the three of us are together, despite everything we do to include her. I can stay at Leah's through Thursday and spend the weekend with Sarah, but that leaves Sarah alone again on the holiday and me feeling guilty. Is there a solution to this that doesn't involve hurt feelings?

—Turkey Dilemma



Smash and Grab

Will competitive Senate contests in Kansas and South Dakota lead to more late-breaking races in future elections?

Stop Panicking. America Is Now in Very Good Shape to Respond to the Ebola Crisis.

The 2014 Kansas City Royals Show the Value of Building a Mediocre Baseball Team

The GOP Won’t Win Any Black Votes With Its New “Willie Horton” Ad

Sleater-Kinney Was Once America’s Best Rock Band

Can it be again?


Forget Oculus Rift

This $25 cardboard box turns your phone into an incredibly fun virtual reality experience.

One of Putin’s Favorite Oligarchs Wants to Start an Orthodox Christian Fox News

These Companies in Japan Are More Than 1,000 Years Old

Trending News Channel
Oct. 20 2014 6:17 PM Watch Flashes of Lightning Created in a Lab  
  News & Politics
Oct. 20 2014 8:14 PM You Should Be Optimistic About Ebola Don’t panic. Here are all the signs that the U.S. is containing the disease.
Oct. 20 2014 7:23 PM Chipotle’s Magical Burrito Empire Keeps Growing, Might Be Slowing
Oct. 20 2014 3:16 PM The Catholic Church Is Changing, and Celibate Gays Are Leading the Way
  Double X
The XX Factor
Oct. 20 2014 6:17 PM I Am 25. I Don't Work at Facebook. My Doctors Want Me to Freeze My Eggs.
  Slate Plus
Tv Club
Oct. 20 2014 7:15 AM The Slate Doctor Who Podcast: Episode 9 A spoiler-filled discussion of "Flatline."
Brow Beat
Oct. 20 2014 9:13 PM The Smart, Talented, and Utterly Hilarious Leslie Jones Is SNL’s Newest Cast Member
Oct. 21 2014 8:38 AM An Implanted Wearable Gadget Isn’t as Crazy as You’d Think Products like New Deal Design’s UnderSkin may be the future.
  Health & Science
Bad Astronomy
Oct. 21 2014 7:00 AM Watch the Moon Eat the Sun: The Partial Solar Eclipse on Thursday, Oct. 23
Sports Nut
Oct. 20 2014 5:09 PM Keepaway, on Three. Ready—Break! On his record-breaking touchdown pass, Peyton Manning couldn’t even leave the celebration to chance.