Prudie advises a woman whose laid-off mate has begun to verbally abuse her.

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Dear Prudie,
My husband was recently laid off from his job and is trying to start his own company from home. I work from home half the week, so we now see each other much more frequently. The close quarters have not been good for us. Little things that never bothered him before now cause him to nag (I don't empty the dishwasher right away, or the laundry may pile up), which leads to blowout fights. Worst of all, he has become increasingly verbally abusive when we fight, insulting my intelligence, punching walls, and throwing things (although not at me). I'm starting to feel like a martyr because I have to apologize for every little transgression. When I told him this, he said I can't fault him for my faults. We just got married last month, and I'm not considering divorce, but I can't keep living like this. I understand he has a lot of stress, but my work is starting to suffer because of the constant pressure I am under from him. What can I do to make this situation better?

—Prisoner in Own Home

Dear Prisoner,
Your husband isn't trying to launch a movie production company called "Mel Gibson Pictures," is he? The stress of losing one's job, having no income, and trying to start a (likely unsuccessful) business is getting to a lot of Americans. Grinding fear can make even the mellowest person short-tempered. However, there's being snappish (and hopefully apologetic) and there's abuse, and your husband has crossed that line. There is no excuse for the kind of assault he is inflicting on you. (One question: Why can't Mr. Neatnik unload the dishwasher and fold the laundry himself?) He sounds potentially dangerous, and just an arm adjustment away from punching your jaw instead of the wall. Stop apologizing and start packing. You may even need someone to accompany you when you get your things and tell him you will no longer live in fear in your own home. Explain that if he doesn't start going to therapy or attending some kind of support group—have him look at the rageaholic Web site (Mel Gibson might be attending court-ordered sessions soon!)—you will start proceedings to dissolve your marriage. Nice line he spewed about not faulting him for your faults. Now he can contemplate how it's his fault that your marriage is about to come apart.

—Prudie

Dear Prudence: Husband May Cheat Again

Dear Prudie,
I'm in my mid-20s and recently engaged to a wonderful man. When I was in college, I intentionally overdosed. Luckily, I was found before anything horrible happened, but my goal was suicide. I was having a hard time adjusting to going away to school and was involved in a very unhealthy relationship. Afterward, I went to counseling and sorted myself out. Before the attempt, I would casually think about suicide as an easy way out if things ever got too bad. Since then, I've come to realize I want to stick around no matter what life throws at me. My fiance doesn't know about any of this. I can't help but be worried that if he finds out, it might change things. We're very honest with each other, but I don't want this to negatively influence his perception of me. Since it happened so long ago and I am truly recovered, is this something he should know about?

—Conflicted

Dear Conflicted,
It's not an honest relationship if you're honest only about things that are comfortable for the other person to hear. I don't think people owe each other an accounting of every detail of their pasts, but they do need to tell each other about material facts that, yes, might change their perception of each other. The "I have something I need to tell you" conversation always comes with a risk that the other person says, "If I'd known that, I wouldn't be in this relationship." But that seems very unlikely to happen in this case; if it does, he wasn't someone you could rely on, anyway. Your story is an inspiring one, and more likely your fiance will be moved by the depth of your pain and reassured by how far you have come—after all, he knows the life-embracing person you are today. Give him the gift of trusting him enough to let him know about your darkest times. And consider what a violation it would feel like to him to learn about this from someone who unwittingly made a reference to it, assuming it would be something he had to have known.