My boyfriend won't have sex with me for religious reasons. Should I leave him?

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Dear Prudie,
My wonderful boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly three years. This summer, we moved in together. This has brought us closer, and our relationship has flourished. We have discussed marriage, and I hope that it will be only a matter of time before we take that step. I grew up Catholic, while my boyfriend was "saved" (his words) during high school. My boyfriend's relationship with God is something I admire, but his recent soul searching is somewhat troubling. Specifically, he has decided that premarital sex is a no-no—although we've been sexually active since early in our relationship. Not only do I disagree, but I find this change somewhat hurtful and offensive. I view sex as an essential expression of a loving relationship. I have said this, but all he can articulate is that he's not sure what he feels and that he'll continue to pray. Do I allow him to explore this new relationship with God and accept that the dynamic of our relationship has changed? Or do I attempt to convey to him why I feel differently and hope that things will go back to the way they were?

—Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,
You can hope God tells your boyfriend that the two of you are free to resume carnal relations, but you're not in a position to mediate his relationship with his savior. And you've already made clear that you find this abrupt reversal frustrating and insulting. Your boyfriend's behavior sounds less like a religious awakening and more like one of those disclaimers from a credit card company that states, "Terms and conditions subject to change at any time." I understand how even someone with strong religious convictions against premarital sex ends up indulging anyway. But it's odd that once you moved in together, and sex was available anytime, he received a higher call that he needed to withdraw his physical affections. This makes me wonder whether the ecclesiastical reason he's giving is his way of interpreting his inchoate fears about committing. Or perhaps there are other underlying secular reasons: interest in someone else; a feeling that domesticity is smothering; even ambivalence about his sexuality. If his explanation is that he's not sure what he feels, you do have every right to say that given the abrupt change in your relationship, for the sake of the future you had been planning, you hope he can offer you more insight than that. In the meantime, you can give him a chaste kiss goodnight while you await further illumination or tell him that since this is so far from what you envisioned when you two shacked up, maybe you need to consider separate shacks.

—Prudie

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Dear Prudence,
I work in a small office. An otherwise lovely and sweet girl has a very annoying habit. Instead of a little laugh at the end of a sentence when she might be feeling nervous, she snorts. I can't tell you how awful-sounding and loud this snort is! It's like something an ill-mannered pirate would do to clear his throat. I think it's nerves. This girl is very young, and this is her first job out of college. The snorting is noticeable to everyone. How can I politely let her know that she needs to nip it in the bud before it becomes a crazy habit that she carries through the rest of her adult life?

—Stop Snorting

Dear Stop,
Keep in mind that while you may be right that her snort is just a demonstration of nerves, and with self-awareness she could get this under control, she might also have a tic. It's a sensitive and touchy thing for an older office mate to approach a younger co-worker about such an issue. If you go ahead, it must be done in private, with gentleness and compassion. Get her alone over coffee and tell her how well she's doing at work and how much everyone enjoys having her. Then say: "There's a little thing you might not be aware of, and it's something you may or may not be able to do anything about. You sometimes make a sound at the end of your sentences that distracts from what you've just said. If it's a tic, don't worry about it, because it's a minor thing. But if it's just a habit, if you become aware you're doing it, that should help you to stop." Then reiterate that she's been a delightful addition and let it go. If she doesn't stop, conclude that she can't and be grateful you don't have to go through life making that sound. And knowing there's nothing more to be said about the snort might help you live with it.