My fiance has forbidden me from seeing an old friend. How can I convince him it's no longer a romantic relationship?

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Dear Prudence,
Several years ago, I moved to South America. During my first few months there, I became fast friends with a local man. He was a wonderful source of help during an otherwise lonely time. After several months of friendship, we started a relationship, which lasted only briefly, as we realized that we were better friends than lovers. Eventually, I moved back home to the United States. My friend recently contacted me to tell me he is coming here for several months for work. I was thrilled at the chance to see him again and happy to help him navigate my country as he helped me in his. I'm now engaged, however, and my fiance was furious. He told me that all past relationships should stay in the past and that I should not be in contact with this man. I offered to see my friend only with my fiance present or with a group of friends, but he wouldn't accept that. As a threat, my fiance said he was going to start contacting his ex-girlfriends. He has trust issues because his mother cheated on his father and her other husbands. I can't stand the thought of hurting my fiance, but I don't want my friend to have to navigate a foreign country alone, either. I also don't want to bear the burden of my fiance's mother's mistakes. What should I do?

—The Fiance, the Immigrant, and Me

Dear Me,
The country wasn't Argentina, was it? It's been in the news lately as the international capital of romance. Unfortunately, now your fiance has another argument for his unreasonable demand: the example of South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, who, apart from being more attractive to women than the guy in the Dos Equis commercials, has made suspect the assertion "We're just friends!" However, I believe you're just friends, and so should your fiance. In a way, it's even more believable since you and your friend tried the sparking thing, and the flame thoroughly fizzled. Because he's your friend, it would be normal to invite him to dinner to catch up with you and meet your fiance. That your fiance has made that impossible is insulting to you and him. But more than that, your fiance doubts you and is threatening your relationship not because of anything you've done but because of his unreliable mother. Your South American friend was a help to you when you were lonely, and he's turned out to be an unwitting help to you now that you're not. If you give in to your fiance's demand, then expect to lead a married life in which you have little ability to have friendships and work relationships with men; in which your communications and whereabouts are constantly scrutinized. Your fiance needs to get some help working through his "trust issues" before you get married. Unless he does, you will spend many years atoning for his mother's infidelity.

—Prudie

Dear Prudence: Riding Shotgun With Tipsy Pal

Dear Prudence,
I am the mother of a 13-year-old girl. My daughter recently attended a sleep-over party with a large group of friends. When my husband picked her up, he came back with a disturbing story. A girl and her mother showed up at the party. The mother was very upset that her daughter had not been included, as she had been in years past. The mother loudly discussed the matter with the other mother, then left with her daughter. The girl and her mother have been good friends of ours for years. The girls have grown apart recently, but I have kept my friendship with the mother. It appears that some of the girls—including my daughter—made sure this girl was not invited to the party, for which my daughter feels no remorse. The girls also had a boy call the uninvited girl just to reiterate that she was not welcome at the party. I understand the girls are no longer good friends, but I find my daughter's behavior unacceptable. She says she does not want to encourage the girl into thinking they are still close. How do I handle my potential mean-girl daughter? What, if anything, should I say to the mother?

—Mom of a Meanie

Dear Mom,
As a fellow mother of a 13-year-old, there is nothing like having a teenage girl to make you happy you have moved into that phase of life where your problems include making the mortgage payment, holding onto your job, and waiting to hear if the polyp is benign. All that is better than the emotional trauma of not being invited to the party everyone is going to. It's understandable that the mother of the shunned girl wanted to fight for her cub, but it was a mistake to show up at the party with her daughter. It only further humiliated the girl and provided material for hours of snarky derision from the mean girls. But your issue is your meanie. What you want is for your daughter to acknowledge her lousy behavior and for you to see in her some glimmering of moral insight. So instead of punishing her, I suggest you talk about the party in a neutral tone. You can say something like, "I'm sorry you and 'Lizzy' are no longer friends; I know that friendships sometimes fade. But even people who aren't your friends should be treated with respect. I understand not everyone gets invited to every party. And you can understand that it hurts to be the kid who isn't invited. But no one should get a phone call taunting her that she wasn't included. I know other kids were also involved, but you still owe Lizzy an apology." Since you are friends with the mother, and know how upset she is, after your daughter makes her call, you can call the mother and tell her you've spoken to your daughter and that you feel terrible about what happened. Expect to hear some angry venting; stay calm and repeat that you understand why she's so upset. For more on how to deal with appalling teen behavior, look at Rosalind Wiseman's Queen Bees and Wannabes.