Sexagenarian Sex Symbol
My crush on a famous actor is coming between me and my husband.
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Dear Prudence,
I am a college student in my early 20s and have been married for three years to my wonderful husband. My problem is that I've got a huge crush on Michael Douglas, who is in his 60s. I watch his movies every day! At first my hubby just laughed it off and said he had crushes on celebrities, too, but now he's irritated because I insist on him watching these movies with me and discussing Michael Douglas' personal life all the time. I am not a stalker or anything. I am not writing him fan letters—though I've considered it. I have had mad celebrity crushes before, but this is the first since I've been with my husband. It feels like I am cheating and pushing my hubby away to watch movies that are older than I am. Please help!
—Cheating With the Movies
Dear Cheating,
I just saw the preview for Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, a Matthew McConaughey movie in which Michael Douglas appears as Uncle Wayne, a dead playboy. If the movie is as awful as the trailer—and since it stars Matthew McConaughey, I have every confidence it will be—sitting through multiple screenings just might be the kind of shock therapy you need. Also helpful would be to Google "Michael Douglas facelift" and see your dreamboat with his incisions oozing. If that doesn't do it, get the HBO series Flight of the Conchords, about a failed rock duo, and pay particular attention to the character Mel. She is the pair's crazed fan who forces her husband to accompany her as she stalks them. She's what you don't want to become. For that matter, you don't want to end up one bunny shy of the Glenn Close character in Fatal Attraction. Having fantasies about a celebrity has got to be a nearly universal experience. (When I was walking through a lobby in Los Angeles and literally bumped into my first big crush, Sean Connery, my knees buckled.) But once you get past the stage of taping pictures of the Jonas Brothers on your wall, you're supposed to be able to understand this is a limited, private indulgence that you don't subject your patient husband to on a nightly basis. If you were bingeing on potato chips, you'd keep them out of your pantry. So get rid of the Michael Douglas oeuvre, and start doing things with your husband (besides going to the movies) that make you appreciate the young man you have for real.
—Prudie
Dear Prudence,
I was at a birthday party for a preschooler a few weeks ago, and I was shocked to hear two of the dads talking about how fat their little girls are and calling them fat to their faces. The little girls in question are perfectly normal toddlers, round in the way that 2-year-olds are, but certainly not fat. I told the fathers that what they were saying was terrible and they're going to give their daughters complexes. My husband thinks I should have kept my mouth shut, but as a woman and mother, I think that little girls have enough challenges to deal with in terms of body image without their own fathers calling them fat when they are not, and that for grown men to be assessing and judging the bodies of preschoolers is totally inappropriate. Was I wrong?
—Horrified Mom
Dear Horrified,
Maybe for a 3rd birthday, one of the fathers could host a liposuction party. There could be a contest in which the preschooler who gets the most fat sucked out is the winner. The fathers could also run a "Pin the Tail on the Pudgeball" game. At the end of the party, the birthday girl could blow out the candles on her rice cake. It's a good idea to keep out of other people's childrearing practices, but when the child's health or safety is an issue, you have to speak up. Sure, the girls are not at immediate risk, but perhaps these fathers have never thought through the psychological damage they are going to do to their daughters with their revolting comments. You were right to admonish them. It may have been better to compose yourself and say something like, "I couldn't help but overhear you telling the girls they are fat. I know you don't mean anything by it, but this is the kind of thing that can be really insidious and lead to body image problems and eating disorders down the road. And your girls are adorable and not overweight." But I'll give you a pass for giving a piece of your mind to these fat-mouths.
Photograph of Prudie by Teresa Castracane.


