I have a degree but work as a grocery clerk. How do I explain my predicament?

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Dear Prudence,
I am a recent university graduate and am underemployed. After finding my field devastated by the economic collapse and jobs scarce, I started working as a clerk in a grocery store. The company is family-owned and offers excellent health benefits and a generous starting salary. I enjoy the work and have become friends with my co-workers, many of whom have made this their career. My problem is, when co-workers or customers find out about my diploma, I am inevitably asked what I am doing bagging groceries. This is a constant query as I frequently see former classmates and the occasional professor at my station. How do I explain that this job isn't for me without coming off as arrogant? I don't think I am better than my new friends at work, but I worked hard for my degree and am sometimes embarrassed not to be using it. How do I explain this without coming off as an elitist jerk?

—Underemployed

Dear Underemployed,
You're employed! For a recent college graduate, that's quite an accomplishment, especially if you were hoping to find a job in, say, the automotive industry, or finance, or journalism, or real estate, etc. The fact that you are grateful for the work and enjoy your colleagues must surely come through. And you say your co-workers know that this is just a temporary stop for you before you find something else, so they have probably been pleasantly surprised by you. So just answer people honestly, "Of course I'm still looking in my field, but until things turn around, I'm lucky that I found such a pleasant place to work so I can support myself." When you see classmates or professors, do remind them to let you know if they hear of any opportunities. And don't think of this time as wasted. (Here from the Forbes 400 list is someone who turned a job as a grocery clerk into a multibillion-dollar fortune.) You are learning many things that will be valuable to you when you move on in your career: being a reliable employee, getting along with your co-workers, and knowing what it feels like to stand on your feet all day so you can pay your bills.

—Prudie

Dear Prudie,
My mother was given up for adoption, and at 5 months old two wonderful people adopted her and gave her a very loving environment. She is now in her early 50s and has no desire to find her birth parents. I have two kids of my own and would like very much to find out our medical history for their sake. My adopted grandmother has the adoption papers, but when I have asked about them, she has never offered any information as to who the biological mother is. My mother knows the birth city and her original birth name, but that's all the information I have. I want my mom to find out who the biological mother is so I can find her and possibly learn about her family's medical history. I believe we would benefit from the findings, and if something were to ever happen to my mother (heaven forbid), I would not have the authority to open the file. How do I handle this?

—Looking for DNA

Dear Looking,
These wonderful people who adopted your mother are your grandparents, period. As you've mentioned, they are all the parents your mother has known or wants to know, and that should be good enough for you. For health purposes, your children have information about two biological generations—that's generally all doctors asks for in standard exams. If you're concerned about rare genetic diseases, like Huntington's, for example, only about 5 percent of people who actually know they have a probability of contracting it choose to be tested. As for the rest of the illnesses that stalk mankind—cancer, heart disease, diabetes—any doctor will tell you to feed your kids healthy food, make sure they get plenty of exercise, and get them regular checkups. It sounds as if you actually want this information not so much for medical purposes but to know your "real" family. You know your real family, so be grateful you have such a loving one.

—Prudie

Dear Prudence,
I've been dating my girlfriend for more than a year and half now and love her very much. We've recently moved in together and have been talking about getting married. This all seemed to come crashing down just a few days ago when I arrived home after work to find that she had gotten on my computer and sifted through my messages. She had become obsessed with a female friend of mine whom I used to date and am still fairly close to. The woman and I still talk maybe once a month and meet for coffee three or four times a year. My girlfriend found, in the course of her searching, that we had planned to meet for coffee a few weeks ago and that I had not told her about it. I see in hindsight I was wrong to keep this from her. However, I knew that she would obsess over the fact that I was seeing this former girlfriend.  She went through e-mail, my Facebook account, and my cell phone to find out the last time we had talked. I feel very hurt that she doesn't seem to trust me at all and my privacy was violated so severely. I can't seem to get past it. What do I do?