Mom and Dad's baby talk is driving me batty. Can't they see I'm all grown up?

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Dear Prudence,
My parents' lives began when they had babies and ended when those babies reached about 6. From then on, they've lived in this semi-delusional world, refusing to acknowledge that their "wittle durl" has grown up. I'm now 40 years old, and they still "tawk to me wike dis," making it pretty much impossible to have a real conversation with them. When they do slip and speak to me adult-to-adult, they actually correct themselves to baby talk. For example, "You looked nice" is quickly repeated as, "Her wookied sooo PURRRRTY." Every single thing that happens reminds them of "when ooo was wittle." Now, I could somewhat handle this when we lived across the country from each other and contact was limited to phone calls and a visit every few years, but now my job has brought me within easy driving distance, and I'm finding that I just can't take it. I've tried to gently correct them when they do this, but they don't hear me. I don't want to be irritable every time I'm around them, and I don't want to cut them off. They are my parents, after all. My husband says I can't outright say anything to them about it because it would hurt their feelings and, at their age, wouldn't change anything, anyway. What do you think?

—Not a "Wittle Durl" Anymore

Dear Wittle,
I'm not suggesting you do this, but I do wonder whether a kind of shock therapy could work with them. That is, next time you're visiting, during dinner turn your plate of spaghetti over on your head, then grab your bottom and say, "I make a pee-pee in my pants!" Your parents have been talking to you this way for the past 40 years, which makes this one long-running folie à deux. I agree with your husband's assessment that the likelihood of convincing them that Goodnight Moon is no longer your favorite book is small. Nonetheless, I think he's wrong to say you have to participate in their delusion. Stop being so gentle and explicitly tell them that now that you're 40 years old, you need them to speak to you as an adult. Explain that, from now on, when you're visiting and they slip into baby talk, you're going to slip out the door. Then do it. Either they will reform, or you won't have to take it. You mention that they had "babies," so I'm assuming you have siblings. Unless they are all so damaged from their upbringing that they are in cribs somewhere sucking their thumbs and waiting for the tooth fairy, perhaps they can join you in presenting a united front to your parents. All of you could say you want an end to the baby talk and perhaps suggest that your parents seek counseling to figure out a new way of relating to their children. If all this fails, then when they call wondering where their "widdle, biddle baby-boo" is, you can say you'd love to see them just as soon as you become old enough to learn how to drive.

—Prudie

Dear Prudence Video: Hermit Husband

Dear Prudence,
I recently married a wonderful man with two children. We met via an online dating service and were married within months. He's a great husband and father to his children as well as my child. Our sex life is pretty good, however I'm not sure how to tell him I need a lot more "warming up" in bed before we get down to business. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I don't feel like a kiss or two is sufficient enough to get me hot, bothered, and ready to go. I enjoy making love with him, and I don't want this to become a bigger problem down the road. Any suggestions?

—Not So Hot

Dear Not So Hot,
The good news is that when he does get down to business, you enjoy it. You'd be in a much worse situation if the hors d'oeuvres were superb, but the main course was always undercooked. Clearly, during his previous marriage, this was how conjugal relations were conducted. But you're his wife now, and you have to make your needs clear—surely he will be delighted to please you and expand his own pleasure and repertoire. You need to talk to him, but do it at the right moment. That means not just before or after you've made love, because it would be a mood killer. Pick a time when you two have plenty of privacy and are feeling cozy, and tell him that your lovemaking is wonderful, but you're someone who needs a lot more foreplay. If you're uncomfortable describing what you want, look at the books on the Web site of the American Association of Sexuality Educators Counselors and Therapists, and see if anyone could help you give some guidance to your husband. You could also order some of the Better Sex videos—you two might get so hot and bothered during movie night that you won't even need hot, buttered popcorn.