My new boyfriend has herpes, and I don't. Should I take the plunge and sleep with him?

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Dear Prudence,
I have just met the most unbelievable man and have fallen completely in love. On our second date, he told me that he caught genital herpes in college. (He married the woman who gave it to him, and they have divorced.) At first, I was shocked and considered writing him off, but the more I thought about it, the more I didn't know what to do. I kept in contact with him, and every time we spoke or saw each other, I knew this was someone I wanted in my life. We have decided to hold off on being "completely intimate" with each other until the time is right. My concern is that the time may never be right. I truly love him and would never want to hurt him. Please help.

—Helpless

Dear Helpless,
It says a lot for your beau's character that he was so forthright about this. (For herpes carriers struggling with the issue of when to tell potential partners, you don't have to blurt this out before it's clear that the relationship is progressing to the point where it will become germane. But you do have to give your partner fair warning, which means you don't drop this bomb as you're dropping your drawers.) He is respectful of your concerns and is not pressuring you to become sexually intimate. He sounds like a catch! But you understandably are concerned about catching what he's caught. You need to educate yourself so that you feel confident about whatever decision you make. The book Sexually Transmitted Diseases: A Physician Tells You What You Need To Know is a good place to start. The author writes that "millions of people with herpes form loving, lasting relationships with partners, and over time herpes often becomes more of a manageable, periodic nuisance." She advises that avoiding sex during outbreaks and otherwise using condoms can drastically reduce the chance of transmission, and suppressive therapy can reduce it even further. Be warned: Whenever you read a full medical account of herpes, it might make you want a boyfriend with a more appealing chronic condition—say, leprosy. When the doctor writes "millions of people," she's not kidding. It's estimated that 20 percent of adults in this country have genital herpes. So if you leave this man to search for someone without his viral baggage, you might just find yourself facing the same dilemma with someone you don't love as much.

—Prudie

Dear Prudence Video: Cat Lady Mother-in-Law

Dear Prudence,
Approximately 20 years ago, I saw my oldest sister, D, for the last time. I was a teenager, and she was 29. After years of rocky relationships, with our mother in particular, she cut off all contact with our family. Our father recently died. Because we weren't able to locate D, he passed away without seeing her one last time, as he had wished. Mom has resigned herself to the same fate. Recently, I accidentally found D while surfing a popular social Internet site. She's moved across the country and changed her name, but seeing her picture, it is undeniably her. She seems fulfilled and looks like she has a tremendous support system and a happy relationship. I very much want to contact her. I would offer not to tell our family about our correspondence unless she wanted me to. At the same time, if she went through the trouble of changing her name and moving across the country because of us, would my contact just be an intrusion on her happy, family-free life? At a minimum, we will have to notify her when Mom passes away so she gets her inheritance. Should I try to contact D while Mom's still alive, in case there's any hope of reconciliation?

—The Baby

Dear The Baby,
You need to consider the possibility that a 49-year-old woman who looks like the sister you haven't seen in 20 years and has "changed her name" is just a woman with a resemblance to your sister but isn't actually her. That said, go ahead and get in touch, but don't spill your whole family saga in the first e-mail. Make a tentative approach by explaining that you saw her Web page and thought there was a possibility you two are related. If she says you're right, she's your sister, then see where it all leads—keeping in mind that going to the lengths she did to escape the family could mean that your sister is somewhat psychologically disturbed or that disturbing things were done to her that you know nothing about. But if this woman says you're mistaken, accept that either you are or that you're just going to have to live with the ambiguity that maybe your missing sister is telling you to get lost.

—Prudie