Our Pigskin Anniversary
Hubby would rather sit on the 10yard line than celebrate 10years of marriage.
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Dear Prudence,
My 10th wedding anniversary is coming up. Since the beginning of the year, my husband and I have been talking about a nice weekend getaway to celebrate. About a month ago, he came home with a football ticket given to him by a co-worker for the same weekend. I tried to remain calm and explain to him that I thought we already had plans (my mother-in-law is watching our children). I hadn't made any reservations, but I am furious with him for doing this. If I make an issue of it, he says he'll sell the ticket and won't go. That makes me the bad guy. So do I rip him a new one or keep my mouth shut and accept a shortened second honeymoon? He's fine with just going somewhere for an overnight visit and then leaving me to spend the rest of the weekend with the kids so he can go to his game. It makes me wonder if this is his way of saying that he doesn't care about our relationship, and I am struggling to be able to air this without starting World War III.
—No Pass
Dear No Pass,
During football season, when my husband utters the phrase, "There's a game on," it has the same imperative quality that the words "You're fully dilated" have on a maternity ward. He once excused himself in the middle of a Sunday dinner party we were hosting to flop on the couch and watch the game. Yes, he's distracted every weekend until after the Super Bowl, but I understand it's not personal. There are so many ways to divide the world: One is football haters vs. football fanatics; another is people who think the quality of anniversary celebrations symbolizes the entire relationship vs. those who pray on the way home from work on the night of their anniversary that the drug store still stocks Whitman's Samplers. You sound as if you belong in the former in both categories while your husband is in the latter. I agree that he's fumbled this occasion, but you both have a chance for a save. Traditionally, the 10th anniversary is celebrated with gifts of tin, but yours will be leaden if you insist on your husband giving up the ticket. Think of how romantic it will be to have him looking deep into your eyes and wondering how the Buccaneers are doing. Since you haven't even booked your trip, give your husband the gift of your blessing for him to use the ticket. Then tell him his gift to you will be to reschedule his mother's babysitting duties for another weekend, make reservations someplace great, and—while you're on your getaway—not even think about reaching for the remote when it's game time.
—Prudie
Dear Prudence,
My husband, child, and I moved into a lovely neighborhood two years ago. Unfortunately, the elderly couple next door does not trust us. They have spread rumors about whether we are "really" married, possible depression, and drug use. (Some of the speculation may stem from the fact that I am pregnant and spent a trimester on bed rest.) Because of them, I do not feel comfortable being outside with my 3-year-old daughter. They've lectured me on children watching television and the dangers of hiring a nonfamily member to baby-sit. We don't have available family in the area, and I meticulously screened quite a few candidates before hiring child care. Today, I'm boiling over. I was sitting on the back steps watching my daughter play, and Mr. and Mrs. Neighborly had their back door open as usual. Mr. Neighborly asked Mrs. Neighborly to make sure my daughter wasn't alone in the yard. After Mrs. Neighborly went inside, she began an immediate monologue about my parenting style. I am so frustrated that I avoid block parties, walks, sitting on the front porch—all of the family-centered things that attracted us to this area in the first place. A fence is an obvious solution, but the latest quotes are pretty steep. Any suggestions?
—Neighborhood Watched
Dear Watched,
Stop letting this pair of old cranks get to you. Listen to how defensive you are about hiring a nonfamily member as a baby sitter just because you got an uninvited lecture from these intrusive nuts! A fence sounds like a great idea, but if you can't afford one, build your own invisible fence. When you're outside, bring a radio, if you must, to drown out their monologues from their back door. If they try to harangue you directly, say, "I'm sorry, I'm not in the market for advice and I'm busy with my daughter right now, so please excuse me." Ignore them while you go to the block parties, take walks, and use your front porch. Surely everyone else in the neighborhood has been enduring and avoiding them for years. By this point, the rest of your neighbors are probably wondering why you're so standoffish. So stop giving credence to Mr. and Mrs. Nasty's tales about you, and enjoy your lovely neighborhood.
—Prudie
Photograph of Prudie by David Plotz.


