My girlfriend gets very close to her students. Should she back off?

Get "Dear Prudence" delivered to your inbox each week; click here to sign up. Please send your questions for publication to prudence@slate.com. (Questions may be edited.)

Dear Prudence,
My girlfriend, who is in her mid-20s, is a kind, smart, talented teacher and coaches several sports. We love each other very much, and I believe this is the woman I want to spend my life with. She has bonded with a lot of her players, almost all of whom are boys no older than 16. As a teacher and coach myself, I understand this bond and support it completely. However, with a few of them she makes an effort to get together outside of school or practice. She's attempted to go running with them, take them out for dinner or lunch, or just plain hang out with them. She texts back and forth with them often. When I've broached the subject with her, she writes it off as me being silly and tells me that she just feels bad that "Roger" doesn't have a mother and his father's drunk all the time, or that "Jack's" mother neglects him and he has no one to turn to. Am I actually blowing this out of proportion, or should I be worried about her behavior?

—Worried Coach

Dear Coach,
Next movie night, you and your girlfriend should rent Notes on a Scandal, which is about a dedicated young teacher who has an affair with a needy teenage boy at her school. Not to ruin the suspense, but let's just say it doesn't turn out well for the teacher. Your girlfriend may think what she's up to—hanging out, going to restaurants, running together, and texting constantly—is providing support and help for students from difficult circumstances. But it's very likely these boys are going to see her behavior as something else, namely dating. And some of the parents might start wondering if she's playing the field. Surely her school has guidelines for what is appropriate after-hours contact with her students, and I doubt what she's up to fits within those guidelines. It's fine if she has warm, encouraging relationships with lonely kids, but if they're truly in need, she should be finding more appropriate ways for them to get adult guidance. Whatever her motives, she doesn't seem to understand that acting like a teenage pal is beneficial for neither the boys nor her career. If she thinks you're being silly, ask her to consider what the administrators and parents would do if it were you making dinner plans and texting with teenage girls. If she truly won't listen to your concerns and act more like a grown-up, then you need to run in the other direction.

—Prudie

Dear Prudence Video: Awkward One-Night Stand

Dear Prudence,
A year ago, I volunteered to have my family over to celebrate my niece's 4^th birthday. Her birthday was on a Thursday, and the party was to be on the following Sunday. On Friday I received an irate e-mail from my sister because I hadn't called my niece on her actual birthday. She then called me at work and berated me for being so thoughtless and told me how upset my niece had been. I actually cried at my desk. After I was able to compose myself, I called my niece fully prepared to grovel for forgiveness. But as one would expect from a 4-year-old, when I apologized for not calling, she simply said, "OK" and was excited when I told her we were having ice cream with her cake on Sunday. At this point, my guilt turned to anger because I'd agonized over hurting my niece, but it seemed my sister was projecting her own issues. I love my sister dearly, so this has made me second-guess myself and question whether I am a bad sister and aunt. Am I thoughtless, or does my sister have "the world revolves around me and my children" syndrome?

—Dreading Birthdays

Dear Dreading,
Your situation could be Exhibit A for the thesis of Joseph Epstein's essay in the Weekly Standard, in which he wrote, "In America we are currently living in a Kindergarchy, under rule by children. … Children have gone from background to foreground figures in domestic life, with more and more attention centered on them, their upbringing, their small accomplishments. ... Such has been the weight of all this concern about children that it has exercised a subtle but pervasive tyranny of its own." So, break free of your chains! The fact that you were enlisted a year in advance to host a birthday party for a 4-year-old tells me that unless your sister gets some perspective, by the time this kid is 14, she's going to be a monster. Make a vow that no matter how wacky and demanding your sister gets, you will be an appropriately loving aunt to your niece, but not a sycophantic courtier at her tiny throne.

—Prudie