Advice on manners and morals.

Advice on manners and morals.
Sept. 14 2006 7:41 AM

No Sex Please, We're Married

My wife refuses to have sex. What can I do to change her mind?

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—Sick of the Pill

Dear Sick,
If your sex drive is being lowered by your husband's refusal to get a vasectomy, what do you think it will do to his libido if he feels you have brow-beaten him into "cutting off his balls"? Yes, his reaction is somewhat irrational, and perhaps he needs a reminder that vasectomy has nothing to do with castration. (He could look at this Web site. However, I'm not sure the medical facts will make him any less queasy about the procedure.) You're right that the pill can inhibit a woman's libido, so it has become an all-too effective form of birth control for you—although three simultaneous forms of birth control is neurotic overkill. Since you want something permanent and he doesn't, the most logical course of action is for you to get a tubal ligation. Yes, it is a more complicated procedure than vasectomy, but not that much more—it can also be done on an out-patient basis. The decision to get sterilized is so deeply personal that if your husband, for whatever reason, wants to preserve his fertility, you are not entitled to demand he get his vas deferens snipped.

—Prudie

Dear Prudie,
There is this woman I like and she's got a set of big fake boobs. I know they are fake because her other friends have shown me "before" and "after" pictures of her. Don't get me wrong—I love how they look, but I want to ask her why she got them. Whenever we go anywhere, she always keeps them covered up. Even at the beach, she wears a very conservative one-piece bathing suit that comes up to her neck. I'm not sure how to approach the subject as we are just friends, although I would like our relationship to become more, and don't want to seem like some kind of a pervert. Please tell me the best way to discuss her sizable bust without offending her.

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—Curious

Dear Curious,
How about, "Nice rack! What made you decide to get them and how much did you pay? Also, I'd really like to touch them, so can we go on a date?" Or perhaps you'd have more success if you forgot about making any mammary inquiries, and just have a series of normal conversations with her, gauging if she seems interested in you, then asking her out. Or best of all, since she's probably sick of you looking at her slack-jawed with your eyes glued to her chest, maybe you should just leave her alone.

—Prudie

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