Advice on manners and morals.

Advice on manners and morals.
Sept. 7 2006 7:41 AM

Kith of Death

I love her, but she doesn't know I killed her father.

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—Hairless by Choice

Dear Hairless,
People should not approach strangers with remarks about their appearance (and a bald woman could have a condition such as alopecia areata). But as you are lucky enough to have hair, maybe you should reconsider how comfortable your look really is since it results in endless comments and sympathy from people undergoing chemotherapy. If you want to keep shaving, then the kindest thing to do is to spare a moment for people who are concerned that someone so young is going through what they are. Listen politely, wish them well, and reassure them that you're fine.

—Prudie

Dear Prudence,
I am a young man of 28 and I have a close lady friend, let's call her Jane, who is 23. We have been friends for a few years now and we talk about a wide range of topics. Jane is beautiful, funny, and very wise for such a young woman. I was attracted to her from the first time we met, but she made it clear from the start that the only relationship she wanted from me was that of a good and close friend, so that's what I've been (that seems to be the only relationship that women want from me, but that is a whole different topic). A few days ago, Jane called me and said, "I've been getting a weird vibe from you." She then said she wanted to cut back on the frequency and duration of when we hang out. I have talked to friends about this and we have all come to the same conclusion: Jane's feelings for me have changed and she is confused about how to move forward. All my friends say to just ride it out and give her the space, that it's all part of the game. What do I do? This issue has me very frustrated and feeling lost.

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—Tired of Games

Dear Tired,
Your friends are half right (and half-baked). Jane's feelings have changed, except she's not contemplating how to become your girlfriend, but how to stop being your friend. You are wild for this woman and have been hanging around hoping she will finally reciprocate your feelings—that is the vibe she's picking up. Since she knows she never will, she's finally telling you to go away. That hurts, but stop driving yourself crazy by investing so much in a woman who's not interested. Perhaps part of your problem with women in general is that you fall for ones who don't want you, then campaign to get them to change their minds. Skip them, and concentrate on the women who don't tell you right from the start that all they'll ever want to be is friends.

—Prudie

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