Advice on manners and morals.

Advice on manners and morals.
Aug. 31 2006 7:28 AM

You Can Leave Your Hat Off

Should we do business with someone who advertises his right-wing beliefs?

1_123125_122976_dearprudence_02
(Continued from Page 1)

—To Fly or No To Fly

Dear Fly,
If there were a rule book for long-distance relationships, the latest edition would tell you to put all your gel products in your checked luggage. And I'm afraid no one has come up with a way to guarantee that after you make yourself vulnerable to someone else, you won't be hurt. You had a whirlwind encounter—now you have to find out if it was just one of those out-of-state work-function things, or the real thing. This will become clearer as you two talk through how to get together next. If you're both equally eager to see each other again, you can figure out which one of you has more time to travel or more frequent-flyer miles. Whoever goes should pay his or her own way. If things work out, this will even out. Since it's hard to go slow when it's so hard to get together, I urge that whoever does the visiting stay at a hotel. You want to become intimate when it's the right thing to do, not just because one of you has traveled so far and the fold-out couch in the living room is so uncomfortable.

—Prudie

Dear Prudie,
Our daughter is planning her wedding. The bride and groom are 28 years old, and this is the first marriage for both. They have college degrees and good-paying jobs. In fact they make approximately twice what my husband and I make. Both the bride and groom have their own homes. Neither of them have been dependent on either of their parents for five years. My daughter feels that traditionally parents should pay for the entire wedding and wants us to do so. I realize that I married 32 years ago and things are not the same price as they once were, but $15,000 to $20,000 is hard for us to handle. I want to do the right thing, but should the bride and groom help with the wedding expense, or should all of the cost fall to the parents? My husband and I are planning to borrow most of the money for this wedding.

Advertisement

—Mother of the Bride

Dear Mother,
"Something borrowed" usually refers to a pair of earrings or an embroidered handkerchief, not the fact that your parents go into debt to pay for your truffled lobster hors d'oeuvres. It may be traditional for the bride's parents to pay for a wedding, but in that case, the parents should set the budget, not be given a bill that means they have to push back their retirement. You should have an immediate discussion about finances with your daughter, namely that you haven't got $20,000 to blow on her party. Figure out what you can comfortably contribute—without the services of a lending officer—and tell your daughter that you would love to pay for the flowers or the dinner, for example. Since both bride and groom are doing so well financially, if they want to have the party of their dreams, let them spring for the truffles.

—Prudie

TODAY IN SLATE

Politics

The Democrats’ War at Home

How can the president’s party defend itself from the president’s foreign policy blunders?

Congress’ Public Shaming of the Secret Service Was Political Grandstanding at Its Best

Michigan’s Tradition of Football “Toughness” Needs to Go—Starting With Coach Hoke

A Plentiful, Renewable Resource That America Keeps Overlooking

Animal manure.

Windows 8 Was So Bad That Microsoft Will Skip Straight to Windows 10

Politics

Cringing. Ducking. Mumbling.

How GOP candidates react whenever someone brings up reproductive rights or gay marriage.

Building a Better Workplace

You Deserve a Pre-cation

The smartest job perk you’ve never heard of.

Hasbro Is Cracking Down on Scrabble Players Who Turn Its Official Word List Into Popular Apps

Florida State’s New President Is Underqualified and Mistrusted. He Just Might Save the University.

  News & Politics
Politics
Sept. 30 2014 9:33 PM Political Theater With a Purpose Darrell Issa’s public shaming of the head of the Secret Service was congressional grandstanding at its best.
  Business
Moneybox
Sept. 30 2014 7:02 PM At Long Last, eBay Sets PayPal Free
  Life
Gaming
Sept. 30 2014 7:35 PM Who Owns Scrabble’s Word List? Hasbro says the list of playable words belongs to the company. Players beg to differ.
  Double X
The XX Factor
Sept. 30 2014 12:34 PM Parents, Get Your Teenage Daughters the IUD
  Slate Plus
Behind the Scenes
Sept. 30 2014 3:21 PM Meet Jordan Weissmann Five questions with Slate’s senior business and economics correspondent.
  Arts
Brow Beat
Sept. 30 2014 8:54 PM Bette Davis Talks Gender Roles in a Delightful, Animated Interview From 1963
  Technology
Future Tense
Sept. 30 2014 7:00 PM There’s Going to Be a Live-Action Tetris Movie for Some Reason
  Health & Science
Medical Examiner
Sept. 30 2014 11:51 PM Should You Freeze Your Eggs? An egg freezing party is not a great place to find answers to this or other questions.
  Sports
Sports Nut
Sept. 30 2014 5:54 PM Goodbye, Tough Guy It’s time for Michigan to fire its toughness-obsessed coach, Brady Hoke.