What can I do about a wonderful man who just can't kiss?

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Dear Readers,

As Slate's Human Guinea Pig, for which, among other adventures, I reigned (briefly) as Mrs. Washington, D.C., and attempted to teach my beagle to dance, I have learned important life lessons. I will now put the knowledge from these and many other experiences to good use—to give you counsel as I take over the "Dear Prudence" column. I welcome all your questions about love, family, friends, work, people who chew with their mouths open, and the rest of life's predicaments. I look forward to hearing from you.

—Emily Yoffe

Dear Prudence,

After several years of searching for Mr. Right, I have met someone who holds great promise for a long-term relationship. He is a soft-spoken man who treats me with great respect. He's been a widower for many years, raising hischildren alone and doing a marvelous job. He's a hard worker, honest, and seems very smitten with me. We have a great deal in common including our profession, which has been a real challenge for me since I have a nontraditional job in agriculture. The problem is, he's an awful kisser, something I find pretty important when it comes to intimacy. How do you tell someone that the way they kiss is a real turnoff and not hurt their feelings? It's not like we're kids, we're in our 50s.

—Puckered Up

Dear Puckered,

Rabid dog? Sword tongue? Mouse pecks?OK, I'm feeling a little sick, and so will you every time you begin to get intimate if you don't solve this problem. One difficulty, to paraphrase Garrison Keillor, is that everyone thinks they are an above-average kisser. You need to be gentle but direct. Try something like, "I'm crazy about you, and I would love it if when we kissed you were less assertive" or "more assertive" as the case may be. Then offer a demonstration. Good luck teaching your old mad dog a new trick.

—Prudie

Dear Prudence,

I been involved with a lady for two months. We have much in common, and in many ways it's a very satisfying relationship. Recently she dropped a bomb. In the middle of conversation she announced that she was going to kill herself when she was 75. Did not want to go through the usual body/mind deterioration. She made this choice at 18, after watching Harold and Maude. I watched the movie but could see little that would cause one to make such a brutal decision and stick with it. She's 51 now. We are on a month's sabbatical from the relationship. I'm just coming out of deep mourning and feel it's my role now to try to convince her of the wrongness of her decision. I've decided it's the most selfish, arrogant act imaginable. She wants family and friends there to cheer, "What a wonderful life. What a glorious death." Out of love, I must try to dissuade her from this wasteful end. Any advice? Why did she have to tell me this late?

—Resolute love

Dear Resolute,

You say you are on a one-month sabbatical after dating only two months. You need to extend this break through the year 2030 so you can be sure not to be there for her bon voyage party. But do tell her she could buy herself five more years if she watches Harold and Maude again—Maude doesn't do herself in until she's turning 80. The danger is your friend might also rent that other Ruth Gordon classic, Rosemary's Baby, and decide she wants to carry Satan's spawn. In either case, you'll be well rid of her.

—Prudie