My boyfriend defends his father when he calls me "bitch."

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Dear Prudence,
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about three years and living together for the past six months. We get along great and things have been going very well. In the future we would like to marry. The problem I am writing to you about is his father. My boyfriend was pretty much raised by his father and they are very close. He has been a wonderful father to him, but I feel very uncomfortable around him. He is very outspoken and although I know he approves of our relationship, he has called me things like "bitch," trying to be comical, and has made fun of the products I sell, saying that they are "stupid" even though I am very successful. I have told my boyfriend of my discomfort. He always defends his dad, telling me I am being too sensitive, that this is just his way of joking around with me, and I focus too much on the negative. It bothers me that my boyfriend doesn't see my side of things, and I have tried to focus on his father's good points, but these comments really make me question our future together. Is this significant enough to inhibit our future life together?

—Uncomfortable

Dear Unc,
Being called a bitch and hearing that your chosen field is stupid cannot be construed as comical, nohow, no way. The ol' man is not swift enough to realize that his barely disguised hostility to you, or maybe even to women, is discernable, and Prudie is not so sure he does approve of your relationship. Because you say your boyfriend's dad was both father and mother to his son and they remain extremely close, it is entirely possible that you are viewed as competition. If your boyfriend at least saw your point, the relationship might have a shot, but it's unlikely that things could work with both of them thinking the put-downs are fine. How one is spoken to is indeed significant and you are not being too sensitive. Bail now, and tell your boyfriend why. A Don Rickles father-in-law definitely would not work for you over the long haul.

—Prudie, regretfully

Dear Prudie,
I never thought I would need to write to you, but I am in quite a pickle and trust your advice. I just discovered that my husband of seven years had an affair. I caught him only a week into it, thank goodness. The affair made us realize that we had really stopped communicating and would need to rebuild our marriage. My problem is that he thinks it is OK to remain friends with his mistress, and to use her as his counselor for reconciling with me! He sees nothing wrong with this. I have explained that it is counterproductive for him to talk to her about these things. He disagrees and says she is his friend. Prudie, I accessed his e-mail and found out they just talk about "us" all day! I don't know what to do. He says he wants to fix things with me but he won't stop talking to her! Please help.

—Up to My Eyeballs

Dear Up,
This is awful. If he can't see this woman has no place in your lives, then you need a professional to tell him. His lunatic approach to "rebuilding the marriage" is somewhere between dumb and insulting. To paraphrase Camille Paglia, what he is doing is like boarding the dog at the taxidermist's. Such insanity suggests that he either would like both of you in his life, or he's trying to force you to call it a day. In this situation, you must tell him, "It's her or me," and mean it. This guy really does take the cake for nervy jerk of the year, and you have Prudie's sympathies.

—Prudie, sputteringly

Dear Prudie,
I have reached the point in life when loved ones pass away with greater frequency, and I have wondered if there are rules or guidelines about the sanctity of remains. My grandfather was embalmed and I could view his body and recognize that he was not alive. Now I have lost close friends who chose cremation, and their deaths are harder to accept, because I don't have physical proof that the person I knew has now passed away. I only see an urn. Is it appropriate for close friends and family of the deceased to touch the body during a visitation or viewing? Are there guidelines about contact with cremation urns or ashes that will be scattered? I wish to respect the families of my friends, but I also miss the physical contact with my dead loved ones.