Run for Your Life
My obviously disturbed neighbor is stalking me.
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Dear Prudence,
I am a female in my mid-20s. I moved home with my parents after finishing my degree in order to work and save for graduate school. We live next door to a single mom with eight children. She home-schools her children, with the result that the children are not very well socialized. Her eldest son is 18 year old and wanders around the neighborhood on his bicycle in various military uniforms. When asked, he claims he is in basic training for the Army, and that he is going to be a sniper. But since when does the Army allow you to do basic training at home? He has some developmental problems, few social skills (and no friends), and I fear he's delusional. The problem is this: He's decided he likes me and will wait in front of our house for me to get home. He's asked to come into our house several times, just to see the inside of the house. Needless to say, I have not let him in. Today when I went home for lunch he came around the side of the house without me seeing or hearing him until he spoke to me, and he was within a foot of me. He's young, strong, and taller than I am. I'm terrified that he's going to decide I should be his "girlfriend" and become violent when I refuse. I've seen him attack our dogs with water guns and stalk his own brothers and sisters with fake rifles from the roof of his house. I'm undecided as to what I should do. My father believes the kid is harmless, which is easy for him to say; he's not the one being followed around. My mom is as nervous as I am about him. I'd like to live to see graduate school. I'm honestly afraid that this person could become violent and hurt me, or worse. Should I talk to his mother, or take out a restraining order out against him? I'd like to resolve this in a way that won't result in war with the neighbors, but I do not want this person anywhere near me.
—Running Scared
Dear Run,
Your father is wrong. You and your mother are correct that this troubled young man is potentially a threat to your safety. There is no father in his house, just, we may assume, a frazzled mom with eight kids, so you will not find help or supervision there. The military uniform, the ambition to be a sniper, the fake firearms, the nonsense about basic training, teasing your dogs, and even his size militate against trying to "handle" the situation. His obvious "attachment" to you and his strangeness would make a restraining order useless, assuming you could get one. It is terribly unfair, but the best insurance for your safety is to live elsewhere. Prudie knows this will impose a financial burden, or at the very least, having friends make room for you, but there really is no other proactive choice. Good luck.
—Prudie, protectively
Dear Prudence,
My wife and I are friends with a number of married couples with whom we enjoy socializing. We're all fairly young, and until two years ago all of us were childless. Now, three of the couples have children, and while we still enjoy socializing with them, we've begun to receive invitations to their children's first and second birthday parties. There are often lots of babies or toddlers in attendance and they have entertainment, like musicians for young children. We end up gathered with the other childless friends in a far corner of the house and coming up with excuses to leave as early as possible. We love our friends, we think their kids are adorable, but my wife and I would rather be boiled in oil than attend another of these baby birthdays. How do we bow out gracefully or encourage them not to invite us, while still remaining friends?
—Married Without Children
Dear Mar,
This sounds so astoundingly like a no-brainer that Prudie feels the only reason you haven't thought of it is because it's so obvious: Just don't go. Furthermore, it's not necessary to "encourage them" not to invite you. Simply decline the invitation; be busy. It is a little surprising that people would invite childless peers to a baby birthday party, but they probably think it's great fun. Your mentioning musicians for 1- and 2-year-olds reminds Prudie of the overdone kiddie parties that had begun even when Prudie's kids were little (when ice covered the earth). One first-birthday party was so over the top that, in addition to a clown, the parents engaged a trainer and a chimp. Most of the kids were frightened by the clown, so they cried, and the monkey bit the birthday girl. Let's hear it for Chuck E. Cheese's.
—Prudie, conventionally
Dear Prudence,
My husband and I are retired and lived in a condo. My husband has become overly friendly with a divorced woman who lives in a nearby condo. I am not friends with this woman. He does all her handyman work free, hangs out with her outside, and goes over to her place to see her. There is definitely flirting going on between the two of them. Once, after we'd been away for a while, he hugged and kissed her on the lips. I have made my husband aware of the fact that I am not comfortable with his relationship with this woman, but he continues with the same behavior. Do you think this is appropriate behavior for a married man?
Photograph of Prudie by Allan Penn.


