Should you have a child if your partner isn't willing?

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Hello,
I'll get straight to the point. I just found out that I'm pregnant. When I told my fiance about it he was upset and totally negative about having a child. He said the timing is bad, he'd have to get another job, it would interfere with current projects and priorities (he's a musician), and there's no way we can afford another child (we have two boys). I was devastated to hear him react this way. What should I do? I want to have the baby and he's totally against it. Should I leave a man like this or are his reasons valid? Am I being unreasonable for wanting to have a baby even though we are struggling financially? Please help!

—Confused

Dear Con,
This a tough question, even for Prudie. There are so many things to consider. An unwanted child is problematic in any situation. Having the baby may alter your future significantly—especially because you are not married to this man. If things are rocky now, an addition to the family will not improve the situation. You need to be realistic about being able to provide for another child, and you must consider whether deciding not to have (or to keep) this child will irrevocably change your feelings about the father. It sounds as if another baby would almost certainly make him an unwilling partner. These are just some of the things to think about as you move to a decision. This is nothing Prudie, or anyone, can decide for you. Good luck listening to you heart and your conscience with, one hopes, a realistic ear.

—Prudie, contemplatively

Dear Prudie,
I have read many of your columns and never thought one of the questions might actually come from me, but here goes. My ex-husband and I were divorced four years ago due to many differences, but mainly his infidelity. We have two young children together and have joint custody, so we're in contact almost daily. Two years ago he remarried, and I recently discovered he is having an affair on wife No. 2 with another married woman. My question is, do I confront my ex, tell his wife, or just stay out of it since it is no longer my problem? I would hate for my children to watch another divorce since they do like their stepmother, but I also know how it is to be on the wife end of things when your husband is cheating, and I wished someone had told me earlier instead of feeling humiliated and embarrassed that I didn't see it.

—On the Fence

Dear On,
What a mess—but happily, not yours! Your fidelity-challenged ex is a skunk, granted, but 1) your confronting him would have no effect, and 2) you are the wrong person to clue in his current wife. Trust Prudie, it would be misunderstood. This woman will most likely find out the same way you did. As for your main concern, your children, whether or not they witness another divorce will not hinge on anything you might or might not say. (Human) nature will take its course.

—Prudie, abstinently

Dear Prudie,
In October of 2004, I had a gastric bypass, a necessary step when weighing 320 pounds and being only 5 feet tall. It has been one of the best things that's ever happened to me, and so far I've lost 115 pounds. Not all my closest family members are aware that I had surgery, only my parents and one sister. It's not that I want to hide it, per se; I just feel it is a personal thing that I don't particularly feel like discussing with everyone I meet. Needless to say, the change is remarkable. I look like a totally different person and get many compliments. Some people haven't even recognized me at first! Some people say how great I look, while others go further and ask, "How did you do it?" I recognize the curiosity factor. I probably would ask the same thing were I in their place. I usually respond, "I eat less and exercise more," which I feel is truthful. Some people, however, have been very persistent in asking questions. Any suggestions on what I can say that will be polite but still end the conversation so we can talk about other things?