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Bringing Up Baby

Should a 6-year-old still sleep with her parents?

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Dear Prudence,
I am writing you about a rather bizarre situation. My wife and I have been together for nearly 13 years. Things were great until the birth of our second child, a daughter, in 1998. Since the day our daughter came home, she has slept in our bed. The year before last we even bought a new, larger home so that our daughter would have her own bedroom. This improved nothing; our daughter still sleeps in our bed, and I have been retired to the family room couch. I love my wife and my daughter, but I am alone. I complain, only to be told that our daughter—nearly 7!—will be in her own room soon. At times these debates become loud, at which point I am told I am selfish and must not care about our daughter. I know that I am not selfish or uncaring. I am, however, considering a divorce. It is not something I want, but I no longer wish to live like as a guest in my own home.

—Lost and lonely

Dear Lost,
Something obviously happened in year six of your marriage that made your wife decide she had reached her sexpiration date. Not only does she have a 7-year-old chastity belt, but no kid in the second grade belongs in her mother's bed. The emotional turmoil for this child could be immeasurable. You certainly have the patience of a saint—a celibate one, at that—but you must now insist she see a counselor or mediator with you. If her problems cannot be dealt with, you will, indeed, have to divorce. It is a fair bet that custody of this child may come into the picture, as well. Good luck. And no one can ever say you acted hastily.  

—Prudie, promptly           

Prudie,
I love your column, and now I finally have something disturbing enough to ask you about. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years, although we've known and liked each other for nearly a decade. We've both been faithful churchgoers and even played together in our worship band. Like any large (or small) church, it is its own community and therefore can be either very supportive or gossipy about the members. A few months ago, I found out I was pregnant. Huge faux-pas for a 20-year-old Christian. Both my boyfriend and I decided we wouldn't rush out and get married just because of our baby, but we would buy a house and move in together. Everything considered, we feel we've done the right thing. I feel totally at peace. However, it has gotten out (and spread like wildfire) that we're living together. The overall response from our "loving" church was a lot of judgment and people saying how stupid we are. Needless to say my boyfriend and I have taken a "break" from weekly attendance. After such negative outbursts from our just being together, I have no desire to say I'm pregnant. My question is: Given the opposition, should my boyfriend and I try to explain ourselves (they'll find out about our baby eventually), or should we just start looking for new friends who will support us in this supposed-to-be-happy time?

—"Judge not" in Alaska

Dear Judge,
Prudie is sorry you've been disappointed by the people you've worshipped with. Not to put too fine a point on it, it's always a letdown when churchgoers point fingers …  schooled as they are in the Good Book. Prudie cannot see how you would ever feel comfortable with this congregation, so by all means look for a more understanding, less gossipy group of parishioners with a somewhat higher compassion quotient. As for the "judge not" directive, your current group of co-religionists definitely sound like they belong in the department of pots and kettles.

—Prudie, faithfully             

Dear Prudence,
I'm wondering what the etiquette is for newspapers and magazines in public places such as doctors' waiting rooms or libraries. Can I do the New York Magazine crossword puzzle while waiting for my dentist? Or am I obligated to leave it as I found it? What about interesting articles or ads for products in which I might be interested? Is tearing them out allowed? Thanks for your help!

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—Jack the Ripper

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Photograph of Prudie by Allan Penn.