Facing the holidays with a loved one's terminal illness.

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Dear Prudence,

In September my grandmother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. The doctors are not predicting a lot of remaining time. They've told us this will be the last holiday season with one we love so much. My grandmother is the backbone of our family and means so much to all the kids and grandchildren. My husband and I want to give her something that will mean a lot to her and let her know how much she means to us. However, what do you give a person who is about to have their last Christmas? The usual picture frame or elaborate candle just doesn't seem right. I'm at a total loss at this very difficult time for the entire family. Please help!

—Upset and Concerned in Alabama

Dear Up,

Of course you are right about the usual tangible gifts being unsuitable for the upcoming holiday. What Prudie thinks you are searching for, as the perfect last gift, would be letters—from everyone in the family—expressing love, appreciation, and special memories. These could be collected in a book or an album. Prudie can think of nothing more meaningful, especially because people often have wonderful thoughts and sentiments they've never gotten around to verbalizing. (A small P.S.: A lovely holiday candle might not be such a bad idea in addition, because there is nothing permanent about it and many people find candles soothing, particularly the aromatherapy ones.) In a way, your family has a blessing, my dear, in that you will have the chance to say goodbye to your beloved grandmother.

—Prudie, meaningfully

Dear Prudence,

I'm sure this isn't the first time this question has been asked of you, but I hope you can shed some light on the subject for others like myself. I am a bright young woman, one who is otherwise prudent in her decisions and behavior. However, there exist several Web sites with nude photos of me. Nothing sexual with partners, however—merely erotic poses. Here's my question. Knowing that the person I have just started dating doesn't frequent these sites, there's little to fear about him personally finding them. Barring the worry of discovery, should I clue him in about my past peccadilloes? Should I wait until we grow serious or avoid the subject all together? If I were continuing this activity, I could see telling him, but it was more of a brief flirtation. I may be young, but I am a good girl and want my young man to continue to respect me.

—Not So Good?

Dear Not,

Actually, this is only the second time your question has been asked. At least among Prudie readers, it is not all that common to have one's peccadilloes displayed on the Internet. Because you say your young man (to your knowledge) does not frequent these sites, say nothing. If things progress, and there are no direct questions, such as, "Can someone find your peccadilloes on the Internet?" you need not volunteer the information. Should your "flirtation" be revealed, it is all right to say it was something you did when you were young and foolish.

—Prudie, selectively

Dear Prudence,

My wife was recently invited to attend a housewares party by one of her friends in our neighborhood. When she arrived at the party at the appointed time, she noticed that several other mutual friends who said they'd been invited were not there. During the course of the party, she noticed that there was a substantial amount of wrapped food and some floral arrangements in the kitchen. At the announced end time for the party, the hostess pointedly stood by the door and ushered guests out quickly. Well, it turns out that there was actually a "second" party immediately after the "first" party. My wife has learned that the first party was apparently for acquaintances while the second party, with the more lavish food and flowers, was apparently for close friends. My wife considers the hostess a friend, exercises with her on a fairly regular basis, and we've even included her son on our family vacations. Moreover, space was not a problem, as this person lives in a fairly large home. Thus, my wife feels somewhat slighted by the whole affair. Is she justified, or do you think it's just sour grapes from finding out she is on the "B list"?

—Thanks,

Disgruntled Neighbor