Does my wife need to know about my secret treat?

Get "Dear Prudence" delivered to your inbox each week; click here to sign up. Please send your questions for publication to prudence@slate.com. (Questions may be edited.)

Dear Prudence,

I'm 32, married with two children in NYC. My wife and I are both white-collar professionals. For about two years now, I've paid for a "full massage" about once a month when especially tired, stressed out over work, etc. I go to the same woman, and there is nothing we do that is dangerous or puts me or her at risk. My wife and I continue to be intimate about once each week, more than many of our friends with two small kids. I know this is "wrong," but I don't feel particularly guilty, I can easily afford it (my wife spends much more on clothes, books, jewelry, etc.) and I've come to think of it as a monthly sort of treat for myself. I guess my question is: Why should I stop? I honestly do feel better after I go and have even gotten some massage tips I've used on my wife.

—No Problem in N.Y.

Dear No,

Your signature is atypical. People don't usually write to Prudie unless there's a problem ... so here's an answer to your "question" that's not a problem. An educated guess would be that your wife does not know about your monthly "treat," which may, in fact, be at the core of your question. If you do not feel guilty, then why consider stopping? If you're not comfortable paying for sex from a stranger with whom you are acquainted, one would think that pretty much answers the question.

—Prudie, single-handedly

Dear Prudence,

As expatriates for the last several years, my family and I have the good fortune to find ourselves in many of Europe's interesting locations with kids in tow. It's a great educational and cultural experience for the kids, to be sure, but often (especially in tourist-laden locations) a rather strange situation presents itself: Tourists (usually Asian) photograph and/or touch our youngest child (18 months old). This has happened on many occasions, from Mont Blanc in France, to St. Peter's in Rome, to Castle Neuschwanstein in Germany. This may not seem like a problem on the surface and might even sound flattering, but you can imagine our surprise when our child is all of a sudden surrounded with video cameras and a group of complete strangers kneeling down beside him with their arms draped over his shoulder posing for photographs. My older son, 6, is now asking why this always happens to his little brother. I am not sure what to tell him, and, to be honest, I am not sure how to handle the situation when it arises because I don't understand why someone would want a picture of themselves with a child they don't know. I have never sensed that my child was in any danger, but I do wonder where those photos and videos of him will end up. I absolutely want to be culturally sensitive to this and not offend anyone who simply likes (but rarely sees) blond toddlers. Please help me understand what is going on so I can better handle this the next time.

—Concerned Dad in Munich

Dear Con,

Your child photography question is somewhat unusual. The blond toddler, Prudie is guessing, must not only be blond but beautiful. The blondness as an attraction to black-haired Asians does make sense. As to what to say to your elder son, make the explanation definitely about the color of his hair and his babyhood. As to how to deal with these strangers, perhaps instead of saying anything you might just smile and shake your head "no" when someone tries to touch the child. As for people snapping pictures, that you cannot control—except that you can keep walking. Good luck.

—Prudie, photogenically

Dear Prudie,

My boyfriend and I have been discussing our wedding, and although we have no specific date yet, there are several things we've already decided upon. I have been to weddings where children (ages infant to maybe 4 or 5 years old) were present. It never failed that they would cry, talk loudly, bang on things, or otherwise cause noisy distractions—usually while the poor bride was trying to repeat her vows and while I was trying to listen! The mothers would only make it worse by hissing loudly at the child to hush, presumably so she would not have to miss part of the ceremony, like the other guests. So my question is: How do I make it known beyond a shadow of a doubt that children are not welcome at our wedding? I don't want to come across as rude, but it is our wedding day, and I think I have raised a valid point. What do you suggest?

—Wanting To Be Heard at the Altar