When did "you've lost weight" replace "how are you" as a greeting?

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Dear Prudence,

I am 19 years old and a size 12—not obese, just naturally curvy. A few months ago, I started eating better and must have lost a few pounds. As a result, people keep telling me I've lost weight. I understand that they mean this as compliment, and so I usually say "thank you" and change the subject. However, I was wondering if there's some polite way to convey that, while I appreciate the "compliment," I'm perfectly happy with my curvy self. Also, when did "You've lost weight" become a compliment? Wasn't there a time when losing a noticeable amount of weight meant one was sick or malnourished? Just to clear up any confusion, I started eating better not to lose weight but simply to fix my bad habit of snacking on foods with no nutritional value while I still could. Thanks for any advice you might have.

—Curvy and Confused

Dear Curv,

You make an interesting observation about "You've lost weight" having become a compliment, if not a greeting. A good guess about when this happened would be when fashion magazines began to feature sliver-thin models, then some actresses followed suit, seeming to be in a competition to see who could eat the least without keeling over. Thin became in, size 4 became a goal, and diets joined the zeitgeist. (And of course, historically, fat people were the rich ones because they could afford the food. Now that has totally reversed.) At this point, "You've lost weight" has become just a friendly thing to say—accurate or not. There is no need, by the way, to convey to people that you are happy with your curvy self, or even to explain that you gave up cheese doodles in an effort to simply eat more healthfully. And let's all remember that Marilyn Monroe was plenty curvy herself.

—Prudie, comfortably

Dear Prudie,

I need some advice. A friend has recently found out that he has a terminal cancer. I have dealt with family and friends in the past who have been sick by talking openly with them and encouraging them to fight it and never give in. But none of them have been terminal, and there was always hope for them … which is not so in this case. I am at a complete loss as to how to act around this man or what to say to him. Your advice would be really appreciated.

—Sincerely,

Dave

Dear Dave,

This is the kind of situation where you must take the cues from the person who is ill. When you visit, listen to how he talks about his illness—IF he talks about it at all. People respond differently to life-and-death possibilities. Some get comfort from speaking openly and honestly about the chance they might not make it; others may entertain those thoughts privately but don't wish to have a dialogue about it. Some patients need to be in denial about what's going on while others want someone to talk to about their fear of dying or their acceptance of the situation. So the bottom line answer to your question would probably be to be sensitive and to follow the lead of your friend. It would be a failure of friendship to insist to someone who is trying to come to terms with a fatal illness that he'll get better if he only has positive thoughts.

—Prudie, palliatively

Dear Pru,

I recently met a woman, and I've really enjoyed our conversations and time together. Although I have only been out on a half-dozen dates with her, I felt like I knew her pretty well and that I could trust her. Last night, we were having a conversation, and I said that most of my friends in their mid-30s are usually settling down, buying houses, and having families. She then said, "How old do you think I am?" I then said, "About my age?" I am 28 years old, and it turns out she is 32. I am not bothered by the fact that she is older than me, but when I met her, she told me she was 26. Can I trust her? Is lying about age something that all women do? And should I worry that she is lying about things other than her age as well?